


And There Is You

by space_in_between



Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: (((I think)))), Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-03 01:38:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14558034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/space_in_between/pseuds/space_in_between
Summary: Lin Yanjun doesn’t like his job—not that he hates it, but if he’s given the chance to choose between staying on the field or going home and farming, he’ll choose the latter almost without hesitation. Almost, because Yanjun meets Zhangjing and Zhangjing becomes the new place for him to come back.





	And There Is You

**Author's Note:**

> aka: zhangjun 20k (kinda) slowburn agent!au nobody asked for but i still wrote it anyway.
> 
> the idea came from that short video of zhangjun + linong doing that spy movie pose in LA and i was like, "wow how about agent!au" and the idea (unsurprisingly) spiraled to another dimension, and BAM this happened.
> 
> anyway, enjoy! (ꈍᴗꈍ)ε｀*)

Lin Yanjun doesn’t like his job—not that he hates it, but if he’s given the chance to choose between staying on the field or going home and farming, he’ll choose the latter _almost_ without hesitation.

Almost, because there’s something fascinating about working on missions that always drags Yanjun back in. Even when most of his missions feel like dejavu.

As a field agent, unfortunately, his job involves around kicking some mafias’ asses, getting into a fight either with or without his weapon, running until he feels like his lungs are burning, trapping in a zillion of life-or-death scenarios, and so on, so on. They’re usually repetitive, kind of similar here and there but with different background, and it’s not like he’s hoping for a surprise in every mission anyway. When he’s lucky, he would outshoot everyone before he has any chance to blow his own gun _or_ his opponent’s, but he’s usually not that lucky and he has to run with one gun in hand, two bullets remaining.

And it’s the actual, happening situation right now.

His opponents are four bulky men and it _isn’t_ that Yanjun can’t take them down by himself, but he’s so goddamn tired after three days of pursuance into the lion’s lair and Yanjun is practically 85% done with his mission, the last 15% is the bet to get out of here safely or to get shot to death.

Out of breath, Yanjun presses two fingers on his earpiece. “Xiao You, are you there? Do you get my position or not? Gimme the damn hint of where to go, for God’s sake. I’m running out of ammunition _and_ energy.”

 _“I got you, stop complaining,”_ says the voice on his ear. _“Run straight for fifty meters, the backup is coming to you in ten seconds.”_

“Are you positive that in ten seconds those muscular bulls won’t get me first?” Yanjun asks, calculating the time on his head. It’s a hard task, apparently, he can’t think of anything other than pulling his ass out of this damned situation _right this second_ because his legs are starting to give up and his foes are seemingly full of energy.

Yanjun can hear a soft chuckle and he can’t help but smile, because even the slightest laugh of the owner of the voice is contagious.

_“I don’t know, I’m not a field agent. That’s for you to find out.”_

“Is that supposed to be helping me?”

_“It’s up to you to believe it or not. I’ll start the countdown, jump to three o’clock at one. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six…”_

Yanjun goes on with the count - he actually counts loudly and when the voice on his earpiece shouts at him to jump, he does without thinking. Luckily, whoever inside the running van has opened the door in time and Yanjun manages to press the trigger on his gun twice, each landed on the legs of two of his foes and someone else beside him inside the van that Yanjun hasn’t got the time to do face recognition yet takes care of the others.

“I’m beat,” Yanjun sighs, shamelessly resting his legs onto the person beside him when the van is running in normal speed, turns out to be Dinghao. “Next time I’m going on a mission, remind me not to act all Clark Kent and go alone. This is the last time I’m doing everything all by myself. I’m nearly dead.”

Dinghao pushes Yanjun’s legs down—Yanjun almost stumbles forward in the process—and hits Yanjun’s head playfully with the grip of his gun. “You said the same thing on your last mission in Vegas, but you ended up doing it perilously brilliant. Today was the same, although your entrance was a little bit tacky. What I’m trying to say is, I think you have some sort of personality disorder.”

“He’s right,” the person who opens the door for him, Jeffrey, adds unhelpfully. “You always said that you were going to quit and become a farmer, but whenever you’re assigned for a mission you still went _all out_ for it. Even when no one really asked you to go to one.”

“It’s not like I’m going to be completely free even when I’m not deployed in the mission, so I might just do whatever I could as well. What do you think they were thinking when they first assigned me as a field agent?” Yanjun struggles to kick his shoes off and bathes in the glory of freedom when he succeeds on the third attempt.

“True, because no matter how much you hate it, we still need you on the field,” Jeffrey says. “Where’s Nongnong, anyway?”

Nongnong, nickname for Chen Linong, is his fixed partner for every mission unless stated differently. They work together just fine, and Linong is a good friend and company when Yanjun needs him. Still, he’s younger than him, so Yanjun always feels like he has an unwritten obligation to protect him even though their positions are equal.

“He’s with the first backup team, going back to HQ thirty minutes before you came.”

“You let him go first and leave you behind _again_?” Dinghao shoots him a look, “Seriously, Lin Yanjun. You have to stop babying him, he’s a field agent just like you.”

“I can’t just sit down and watch my cute baby partner get tortured on the field,” Yanjun brushes his hair back and grimaces, his hair is sweaty and they stick on his fingers. “Ew, can we stop somewhere before we drop in the HQ? I think I need a shower.”

“You’ll get one in the HQ, and only for this one time we won’t disturb your twelve-hours long shower because you deserve it,” Dinghao says exaggeratingly, laughing. “Give your thanks to Xiao You. He makes sure everyone in the HQ let you have your victorious shower once you get back.”

“That’s so sweet of you, Xiao You. Thank you.” Yanjun says to the voice on his earpiece. He laughs when he hears a loud snort from the other line. The snort is followed by a soft spoken sentence though, and Yanjun—also everyone else—knows Xiao You doesn’t mean to offend anyone. If anything, it’s the way Xiao You expresses his affection towards the people he’s working with.

_“Good job, agent. Thank you for coming back safely.”_

Yanjun lets a wide and dimpled smile form on his lips. He knows Xiao You can see it through the big screen inside the HQ.

“Yeah, I’m back.”

 

 

 

 

Xiao You is how Yanjun—and everyone in the company, basically—calls You Zhangjing, their analyst expert and the person in charge of escape plan and route. He's the person behind the voice on every field agent's earpiece, the one who guides them to their opponent and to get away from them simultaneously. The funny thing is Zhangjing is also one of the very few people in the organisation who actually knows how guns work so he's unofficially the weapon distributor too—their company has an impressive collection of handguns and Yanjun is thankful Zhangjing does that because the latter has good eyes on the guns and he knows what he's giving to who.

Yanjun met Zhangjing a little later than the other field agents; being the last one to get officially accepted into the team, he had only had the chance to meet Zhangjing on his very first mission in Moscow, when Zhangjing handed him a Ruger GP100 as his first handgun with a smile and a simple _Good luck_. Zhangjing had worked there years before Yanjun came, so the gesture was probably his second nature since he did the same to every other agent, but for Yanjun all about Zhangjing was brand new and refreshing. Yanjun was in hurry at that time, and to be mesmerised by Zhangjing's petite figure and cute smile and his bunny teeth didn’t seem very appropriate.

He couldn’t forget Zhangjing’s face even until he got back with victory in hand and Zhangjing welcomed him with the same big smile and bunny teeth and his eyes were sparkling when he saw Yanjun again, completely intact. Yanjun didn’t even care he got blood everywhere on his clothes, on his face, on his mouth even, because right before him Zhangjing was smiling and suddenly it was the only thing that mattered.

It still works until today—everyone in the HQ knows how much Yanjun hates his job and he keeps saying he wants to leave, but he doesn’t. He will never, probably, because if he’s leaving then he will miss the chance to see Zhangjing’s smile _that he adores very much_ when he’s done a great job. People in the HQ don’t know the last part yet and Yanjun isn’t planning to tell anyone soon.

Except someone has noticed, and that someone is Lu Dinghao who has God given sharp mind and even sharper tongue.

“It’s yet another day where Lin Yanjun has postponed his long desired dream to be a farmer back in his hometown and stays as a field agent working for the government instead,” he singsongs and cackles like a maniac. “At this point, I’m sure that you have someone you want to impress. You’re a brilliant agent, but you lack motivation. Seeing from how you’re handling your job, that person seems to be working around here… or better, they’re working here with us.”

“I can't believe I heard that from you, someone who has never spent more than sixty minutes at most with me,” Yanjun snorts. “You can carry on with your investigation when I'm not here, Sherlock. What are you doing here, anyway?”

Dinghao hands him a file folder. “I'm here to give you the report of today's mission, please report back to Xiao You and return your weapon to him. You haven't seen him today, have you?”

Ah, that reminds Yanjun. He hasn't seen Zhangjing today, and he hasn't met his favourite smile whenever he's back from a mission. Today has been a rough day and he spends three hours under the shower, and then goes straight here to clear his mind. Being a field agent isn't easy—it is _very_ hard, actually—and every time Yanjun goes on a mission, he can’t stop his mind from wandering about everything; about the possibilities to come back, about how he's going to live his life on the next day, about his longing to leave this job because it’s _impossible_ if he’s going to put his life on the line whenever he steps out of HQ. Those thoughts linger with him when he gets back and more often than not it’s taken more than a minute or two to dissipate.

(He also thinks about Zhangjing, although he often pushes the thought to the side and believes that he only sees Zhangjing as a senior he respects.)

“Where’s he?” Yanjun finally asks.

“At his office, the last time I checked.” Dinghao says and gives Yanjun a pat on the back. “Tell him I said hi. I have to go out again in a minute.”

“Another undercover?” Yanjun asks. Dinghao nods. “You’re getting a lot of jobs these days.”

“That’s the only way for us to adapt quickly with our work environment,” Dinghao says with a loud sigh. “I got a new partner, Li Ruotian. I still haven’t gotten used with the pattern of his handling on the field, that’s why we’re now taking the raw ones from you and Linong. Be grateful.”

“I am very much so,” Yanjun laughs and gives his friend a thumbs up. “That means less ass-kicking for me until the next week or so. Good luck. I’ll see you again later.”

“Are you going to see Xiao You?” Dinghao shouts when Yanjun walks away, back facing him.

Yanjun gives him an ‘ok’ gesture with his fingers as ‘yes’ without turning back.

 

 

 

 

Zhangjing is still working inside his office when Yanjun enters a place that all of them dubbed as The House. It’s officially the part of the HQ building where Zhangjing is working with all his technology related equipment, also the meeting room for when Zhangjing’s subordinate or Zhangjing himself briefs them about the mission, and unofficially a place where everyone hangs out to relieve stress together. When Zhangjing is being generous, he lets the youngsters set up a party on his rooftop, which is always lit as hell. Nobody actually remembered when was the first time they called the place The House, but it did give off a vibe of a house for most of them.

“You're still here?” Yanjun greets him from behind. Zhangjing jolts up, surprised. He turns around and smiles when he recognises the person who just enters his space.

“Yeah,” he answers, flashing Yanjun _The_ smile and Yanjun can't help but smile back. It's always like that, Zhangjing's smile is always contagious. “Are you here for the report?”

“Ah, yes, here,” Yanjun swings the file folder on his hand and gives it to Zhangjing. “Also, here's the gun. Thanks, it worked well with me. Can I try Walther PPK/S next?”

Zhangjing accepts the file folder and the weapon gratefully and nods. “Sure, I'll get one for you when you're down for another mission. Right now, you're not going to handle the ones on the road since Dinghao and his new partner are working on it.” Zhangjing twists the gun on his hand and chuckles softly, “Oh, you used up all the bullets.”

“They were necessary,” Yanjun tries to defend himself even though Zhangjing doesn't push the topic and he seems completely fine with Yanjun using all the ammunition he has. Isn't that _why_ he's holding a gun? He doesn’t know, but he just feels the need to appear as a decent and rational human being in front of Zhangjing. “I heard about Dinghao from him just now, and he said hi,” Yanjun says. Zhangjing hums in response to tell him that he's got the message clearly. “Have you eaten, Zhangjing?”

Zhangjing looks up, adjusting his glasses frame with one finger and god damn if it isn't the most attractive thing Yanjun has seen today. “I haven't, I thought about having dinner after I finished with all of these paperwork. But it's going to be so late by then, looking at how many things I shall work on, so I don't know.”

"It's not going to kill you to pause your work for dinner.”

“Exactly what I'm thinking.”

Yanjun smiles when Zhangjing gets up from his seat to grab the coat he puts on the hanger and precedes to the door. Yanjun tails behind him like a puppy, pushing his hands inside his coat pockets. The weather is getting warmer these days, but it's still too cold to go out without at least three layers of clothing.

“Aren't you cold, Xiao You? Do you want to wear my coat? You can use my coat if you want to.”

“Stop it, agent. I don't need to hear your playboy persona's attack right now, I am starving.”

Yanjun only laughs.

 

 

 

 

They eat at a small restaurant at the corner of the road in a quiet area, not too far from the HQ. Yanjun thinks the contrast is amazing. People who have looked inside the HQ and looking at the HQ building from the outside must not even be able to think that an area like this exists at the same neighbourhood. The owner of this restaurant is someone Zhangjing knows, and Yanjun finds it amusing to see Zhangjing talks with other people, _ordinary people_ , in friendly tone like he belongs to one of the houses around here and not one of the elite staffs working secretly under the government.

They order two sets of Thailand food that Yanjun can’t even remember the name, but he trusts Zhangjing when he says anything the restaurant has is delicious.

“So, how was today?”

Here it is, one particular session where Zhangjing will review the agents who just finished a mission even though he’s been watching the whole rendezvous through the screen and the report is there too for him to read, but Zhangjing always take some time to talk it out face to face and Yanjun personally likes it.

“Overall it was okay. I and Linong had to part way in the middle of the pursue so I had to wrap the mission up by myself and I was nearly dead in the hands of four The Rock wannabes who were chasing me until Dinghao and Jeffrey got me into the vehicle.”

Zhangjing covers his mouth as he laughs softly. “You were great, though. I wouldn’t even think of piercing the bullet on their ankles, effectively stopping them from chasing you further.”

“I’ve only had two bullets left, it was kind of disappointing,” Yanjun slightly purses his lips in protest. “But the mission was still considered a success and we didn’t blow up anything this time.”

“I acknowledge that, congratulations. I have to thank you especially because you didn’t lose your weapon and you got back with someone else’s gun you took during a fight.”

“I was lucky about that,” Yanjun grins, “Are you doing this often with the others, You Zhangjing?”

“Doing what?”

“Taking agents out to eat after a mission.”

Zhangjing rolls his eyes playfully. “You were the one who asked me out to eat.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t tell you to choose the place and treat me for a meal, even though I’m not complaining at all.”

Zhangjing leans back and gives the person sitting across him a small smile.

“It’s just nice talking with you, given the fact that we don’t talk often except during work, and it’s mostly when I’m giving you directions. It’s not a two-way communication.”

“Are you sure it isn’t because I’m good looking?”

“That, too.” Yanjun almost splutters all green tea inside his mouth and it’s even _worse_ when he hears Zhangjing’s giggle. “...too bad you haven’t reached the level yet,” he continues calmly. His voice is bright and somewhat mischievous, he sounds more like a 12 years old playing pranks instead of an adult man with IQ higher than human in average. You Zhangjing has more sides hidden within him—a lot more than what Yanjun has seen on him for about a year.

“The owner of this restaurant seems really fond of you,” Yanjun comments. “How did you two even know each other?”

“Her daughter worked with us before, an office girl,” answers Zhangjing. “They became our close friends, the daughter and her mother, they become a part of our family. Until one day…” Zhangjing pauses, his voice low and slightly unstable. Perhaps it’s not a great memory, and Yanjun doesn’t like to see Zhangjing’s pained expression.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me the rest if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“No, it’s in the past, we’re okay now,” Zhangjin takes a deep breath and smiles albeit sadly. “The daughter passed away in a robbery murder. We got the culprit though, but it didn’t change the outcome, obviously. The mother had let it go, and we remained as friends. I am the only one who still pays a visit regularly to have a meal or only to chat with the owner though, the others are busy but I do want to take the other guys from those days to eat here sometimes.”

Yanjun hums thoughtfully as he chews his food. “You’re really attentive,” Yanjun finally says. “It’s such a simple act but it’s full of meaning. It’s wonderful.”

Zhangjing smiles, and Yanjun belatedly realises the glimpse of sadness in his eyes is gone. “Thanks,” he whispers. “Sometimes it only takes us the smallest thing to make others happy. It never hurts to collect the small things and spread it to people who need them.”

“I agree,” Yanjun nods, smiling. “Let’s eat, the food is getting cold.”

They eat in silent afterward. Yanjun is thankful Zhangjing doesn’t notice the glances he steals every now and then—or even if he notices, Zhangjing doesn’t say anything.

 

 

“Wait for me outside, we’ll go after I pay,” Zhangjing gets up from his seat, waits for Yanjun to do the same and pushes him towards the front door. They have finished eating and Zhangjing is back to his usual bubbly self, much to Yanjun’s relief. “Where’s your thank you, brat?”

Yanjun huffs and clasps his hands in front of his chest. “Thank you, Xiao You, my saviour. Really really thank you, I owe you my life.”

“Good boy,” Zhangjing pulls Yanjun to crouch down and pats his head, face smug. “Next time, it’s going to be your treat!”

 

 

 

 

Ten days later, Yanjun and Linong are gathering in The House for their new mission.

“Your flight to South Korea will be at 1300 hours,” Zhangjing gives Linong and Yanjun a thin folder containing a short explanation about this mission and all the documents they need to leave the country. “Be careful. They’ve warned us about public attack and it’s very possible for them to attack you in the airport. Always be on guard.”

Yanjun frowns at the papers like they have insulted him (it’s partly true, because Yanjun looks _ugly_ in his passport and it’s offending him) and looks up at Zhangjing. “I thought we weren’t going to get back to the road very soon, what are Dinghao and Ruotian doing?”

“They are doing their own mission somewhere in Europe,” Zhangjing answers. “And let me remind you, agent, this is not a road mission. Your goal is to screw up the deal and bring back the stolen data, and that’s all. If you’re smart enough, you won’t even be needing your guns.”

“That doesn’t sound like fun. I want to go home and be a farmer,” Yanjun grunts. It’s the same old story; Yanjun would show his disinterest at the mission given to him but he’d still do it wholeheartedly, according to his friends. He wonders why. It’s not like the government pays him millions for working at the edge of the cliff with the risk of losing his life every so often.

(It’s because of Zhangjing, a stubborn part of his brain supplies an answer. Yanjun shuts it up.)

“Then, become a farmer after your mission is finished.”

“I don’t think it’d solve my essential problem.”

“Which is your incapability of staying in good shape for, let’s say, halfway your mission, that’s why you’re always trying to run away? That’s your problem, agent. But I shall lend you my support and some pats on the back, then, if that would make you feel better.”

“That’s an insult but why does it come out lenient when Xiao You is saying it?” Linong laughs. “Are we not taking them with us, Xiao You?”

“No, I will assign the other agents to take care of that. Your own safety is the priority, stand back when the situation isn’t favourable and I’ll guide you to escape.”

“Oh, you’re not using Plan B?” Yanjun points out. It’s weird because Zhangjing is very tactical, and using only one plan for a mission is not his common style. Although usually his major plan is enough to finish the entire mission, sometimes there’s going to be a situation where backup plan is badly needed on the field.

“No, I’ll try to study our opponent’s pattern if we’re failed this time. Don’t overwork yourself, and _please_ come back alive.”

Zhangjing takes two medium sized black boxes and hands each one to Yanjun and Linong. The agents open it synchronously to see an elegant combination of black and silver on a shiny Walther PPK/S inside. Yanjun whistles as he runs a hand through the beavertail, and moves up to the silver barrel. Beautiful. He has always been curious to feel the gun himself, and he doesn’t regret the feeling.

“It’s fancy, thanks.” Yanjun takes the gun and puts it inside his suit jacket. “I’m genuinely surprised that you still remember I asked for a Walther PPK/S on my latest mission. I hope it’s not a bribe.”

“It’s definitely not. You can be at ease about that, agent.”

“You asked for it?” Linong repeats. Yanjun just shrugs with a simple _Yeah, why_ and the youngest between three of them looks back and forth between Yanjun and Zhangjing, and the gun in his hand. “Okay, great, this is _very_ new. So Xiao You is taking requests for weapons now?”

“Not every day, but I’m definitely taking consideration if one of you wants a specific kind of weapon,” Zhangjing winks. “As long as you don’t use it for mass murder or something, of course. I’ll give it a limit to personal use handguns only.”

Linong laughs as he pushes the gun past the holster. “Xiao You always has this soft spot for Yanjun. Be careful, Zhangjing, You know Yanjun is a resident playboy just by looking at his face. He might get your heart broken someday.”

Zhangjing gives the agents a lopsided smile. “Oh, I’m very prepared for it, Nongnong. But thanks for the caution.”

“That information is very false _and_ unnecessary,” Yanjun mumbles. “What are you going to do with that anyway? It doesn’t help you with the fact that you’re a grown up man with a face of five-year-old so no one wants to go on a date with you because they think you’re a minor and it will always stay that way!”

Linong raises an and eyebrow at Yanjun, “Why are you attacking me? Are you really going to break Xiao You’s heart or something?”

Yanjun falls silent—the conversation suddenly takes a sharp turn left and Yanjun loses his control over it. Whatever, he snorts to himself. He can’t let Zhangjing and Linong notice how Zhangjing’s previous words have made their way to his brain and stayed there, though.

“We’re going first, Zhangjing.” Yanjun gives Zhangjing a loose salute gesture.

Zhangjing nods, “Jiayou, boys. Don’t do anything weird outside the HQ, I have my eyes and ears with you everywhere.”

 

 

 

 

Yanjun got back to the HQ five days later—having to stay longer than expected because the original plan had gone haywire as the cover blew up and they were in a _big_ trouble, luckily Yanjun and Linong managed to escape by themselves (and by the help of a very furious Xiao You on their ears, obviously) before anything jeopardous took place.

The mission was a success, fortunately. Jeffrey gave him and Linong a big shit-eating grin when he fetched them in the airport two hours ago, telling them the higher-ups and Xiao You are very proud of them.

“Are you going to have your usual victorious shower?” Linong had asked him and Yanjun had shook his head, much to everyone’s surprise. “Why?” Linong asked again.

“I don’t know, I just want to… sleep and do everything later. I’m dead tired.” It wasn’t a lie, Yanjun was so damn exhausted that it was hard to move his limbs. He managed to drag his sore body out of the car and properly scanned his ID on The House’s door, and then slumped onto the couch face first with a groan.

 

 

When Yanjun wakes up (he doesn’t even remember falling asleep), he’s magically not in his working suit anymore. Someone has changed his clothes into a comfortable pair of pyjamas—it’s blue with teddy bear prints all over the fabric, a very cute pair of pyjamas whoever they belong to—and he’s lying on his back with his head resting on a pillow. It takes Yanjun ten seconds to realise Zhangjing is sitting on one end of the couch near his feet, holding a cup delicately in one hand and a paper in another.

“Are you awake?” Yanjun hears Zhangjing’s gentle voice. Zhangjing puts his cup down and tilts his head at Yanjun’s direction. “You were pretty much dead, you didn’t even move when I cleaned you up and got you a pair of fresh clothes.”

Yanjun’s face is tinted in a shade of pink, a little embarrassed. “You… you don’t have to do that.”

Zhangjing rolls his eyes, “And letting you crash in to my office looking like a sad zombie? Never.”

Yanjun smiles, dimple popping out in one of his cheeks. “Thanks, Xiao You.”

“You’re welcome,” says Zhangjing with a shrug. “For a field agent, you have an awful stamina, Eddie. We have to fix that before you’re down for another mission because I definitely won’t let you get killed on duty with the excuse that you’re exhausted of running.”

“My code name is _Evan._ Remember that small detail about me, will you?” Yanjun forces himself to get up. His whole body is still sore, but is also warm and he feels a lot better. “And I was crawling inside a freaking air duct and having to stay there for approximately two hours, it’s just normal now I’m a wreck. Don’t talk to me until you do that yourself.”

Zhangjing bursts out laughing and for some weird reason, Yanjun is happy he said that nonsense. “I have smaller body, doing that must be easier for me. I have good stamina, so I’ll do just fine without any complain.”

“Right, now I realised that saying that to you was already a mistake. Let’s forget the conversation ever happened.”

Zhangjing laughs again, bringing his hands up to massage the back of Yanjun’s foot and Yanjun tries so hard not to moan at the sensation. Zhangjing puts on the right pressure at the right place, and Yanjun has never gotten relaxation massage in forever, and now his body is sore as hell. You Zhangjing is a blessing, now Yanjun is sure of that.

“Your muscles are all strained. You’re going to rupture your tendon sooner or later moving excessively in daily basis while in this condition.”

“Really? I don’t know that. I’m not the one who sends me on a mission.”

Zhangjing pinches Yanjun’s toe and Yanjun yelps in shock and pain. “For the love of God, what’s that for?”

“It’s for being annoying. And you need to take care of yourself properly,” Zhangjing sighs without stopping the movement of his hands on Yanjun’s foot. “Lin Yanjun, what are you going to do without me?”

Yanjun asks himself that question too, but he doesn’t know the answer yet. “Right,” he says instead, “I don’t know what I’m going to do without you.”

 

 

 

 

Yanjun is off duty after his last mission to Korea, but he gets a message to meet Zhangjing in his office.

“Where’s everyone?” Yanjun asks, looking around. The House is weirdly quiet; usually this place the liveliest corner in the HQ building with so many people swarm here either for work or just to bother Zhangjing every day.

Zhangjing is busy typing something behind his computer when he says, “They are working, of course. This is a company, not your grandmother’s house. It’s your fault all of you make yourself so comfortable at the place that is officially my working territory.”

Yanjun laughs, “We didn’t call your place The House without a reason, Xiao You.”

“It’s fine as long as you guys know how to clean,” Zhangjing says from his seat. “I’m going to finish my work in about ten minutes, do whatever you want to kill time.”

Yanjun decides to do a mini room tour even though he’s always been going in and out The House every seven days a week, but Zhangjing always recharges the fresh vibe every day. Sometimes it’s simply the change of his air freshener—from citrus to pine to floral, depending on his mood—or sometimes it’s the music he plays softly in the background to accompany him and his subordinates working, sometimes it’s the small jar of cookie he puts on the coffee table so anyone who visits can have a bite. It’s just some simple details anyone can barely notice without thorough observation (and the habit of being there for 24/7, applicable for people like Yanjun) but it always makes The House feel so close to home. Zhangjing often whines at how people treat his workplace ‘wrongly’ but Yanjun knows as much that Zhangjing loves to have them around.

The room still smells like pines like how it was when Yanjun crashed in here after his Korea mission, the music playing in the background is still some piano instrumental that Zhangjing likes, and there’s no jar of cookie on the coffee table. However, the strange things that catch Yanjun’s eyes are three big cardboards near the bookshelf on one corner of the room. Zhangjing never lets anything be so out of place in The House when he’s around, let alone something _that_ big. Yanjun walks up to the cardboards and peeks inside from the small opening on the top.

Yanjun can see a photo frame with someone who kind of looks like Zhangjing smiling at the camera, a glimpse of a baseball hat, and other small objects he can’t identify.

“Can you help me to bring them to the storage downstairs?”

Yanjun almost jumps to the ceiling when he hears Zhangjing’s voice behind him, he didn’t even realise when Zhangjing left his seat. “Are these yours?” he asks, gesturing to the cardboards.

Zhangjing nods. “The stuffs inside aren’t mine, but my younger brother’s. Technically they’re mine now since my brother’s gone and no one will claim them anyway. They were scattering everywhere here and there, so I want them to be in one place. Easier for me to find them when I need something.”

“Gone?” Yanjun is afraid he might interpret the word wrongly.

Zhangjing nods again. “Gone, as in dead.”

“Oh.” Yanjun doesn’t take his eyes off Zhangjing for a while. He’d known Zhangjing for more than a year but today is the first day he found out Zhangjing had a brother, the first time he _heard_ about it. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“It’s okay, it’s been quite long. I and my brother weren’t that close and we weren’t able to spend a lot of time together, so it didn’t make that much different.”

Yanjun wants to say something, to do something to cheer Zhangjing up, maybe, but he can’t. His tongue is tied and his hands are glued to his side, making him a dumb-looking statue. He didn’t even remember he was holding his breath until Zhangjing smiles at him and pats the small of his back.

“Come on, I’m not here to recall my memories about him and be melancholic over it. I’m asking you to carry these to the storage because I definitely can’t do it myself.”

“Are you going to do something about them later?” Yanjun asks, crouching down to hug the first cardboard to his chest. Damn, it’s pretty heavy. He adjusts the weight on his arms until it’s bearable enough for him to stand up.

“Yeah, later, probably. When I’m less busy.” But Zhangjing is never not busy, Yanjun thinks, it’s almost impossible to imagine Zhangjing has some time for himself because his work keeps piling up endlessly.

“You can call me if you need help on these,” Yanjun’s mouth is already running before his head has enough time to process the words, “I mean, I will make time for you when you need me. To move these heavy stuffs or something else, or when you just need someone as company, I mean, those don’t even correlate but you get my point.”

Yanjun mentally hits himself on the head, _so_ embarrassed he can’t look at Zhangjing in the eye. But Zhangjing only laughs softly and nods at him, totally unbothered with how awkward the words sound.

“Sure, I know I can count on you. Also please keep the issue about my brother a secret, nobody here knows about him except you now, and I intend to make it stay that way.”

Yanjun blinks, “Okay,” he says quietly. He has a secret he only shares with Zhangjing and Yanjun is surprised it makes him very happy.

Something inside his brain is perhaps broken.

 

 

 

 

Yanjun finishes moving Zhangjing’s cardboards to the storage twenty minutes later, the struggles of walking down the stairs holding a box about one-third his weight is real. He’s sitting on the bench on the rooftop now, holding a can of beer he stole from the fridge when Zhangjing was doing something else and not looking at him.

Zhangjing follows him to the rooftop a moment later, pressing a cold can to Yanjun’s cheek. “Scoot over,” he orders. Yanjun does as he’s told and lets Zhangjing sit beside him, surprisingly holding the very same can of beer.

Zhangjing catches Yanjun’s glance on his hand and smirks, “Do you think you’re the only one who can sneak off to drink? I saw you when you stole that from the fridge, and I must say I was disappointed you didn’t steal one for me too.”

Yanjun returns Zhangjing’s smirk with his own. “Is it legal for us to drink at broad daylight? It hasn’t even noon yet.”

“None of us is technically working right now,” Zhangjing shrugs and hooks his finger on the tab. “Boy, are you going to drink or not?”

“Yes, sure, gosh you’re so bossy.”

“I _am_ your boss, I order you around. I have the right to be bossy.”

Well, that’s not wrong, Yanjun says to himself as he pulls the tab and his can makes a loud _pop!_ sound. He steals a glance at Zhangjing beside him and takes a moment of silent at how Zhangjing is _glowing_ ; the sunlight paint his hair light brown and the side of his face bathed in soft hues. His complexion looks kind of pale—Zhangjing spends all his time inside The House and it’s very rare for him to go out, he’s going to be a vampire soon due to his lack of vitamin D and sunlight exposure.

“No, Lin Yanjun, No one is going to turn into a vampire due to their lack of vitamin D and sunlight exposure,” Zhangjing giggles and Yanjun realises he’s just thinking out loud. He _urgently_ needs to stop embarrassing himself in front of Zhangjing, honestly—help him God.

“But you rarely go out you’ll start forgetting how the city looks like,” Yanjun still tries to make a point. “Have you thought about working outside for the change of mood?”

Zhangjing shakes his head, “No, I haven’t. And the thought of bringing my works outside the HQ isn’t thrilling at all; if anything it terrifies me. I can’t risk losing any of my important files while I’m buying hot dog and hot coffee at the store downtown.”

A small smile is formed on Yanjun’s lips. “True, the danger is too high and it has potential to kill all of us. I changed my mind, Xiao You, please just stay inside the HQ until you’re grey and old.”

Zhangjing snickers at that. “But it’s nice to have some fresh air once in a while,” he declares, looking at Yanjun. “You’re right about I need to go out before I completely forget how this city looks like, but I don’t want to do that for work. I have suffered enough here.”

“It’s because you have too many secrets,” Yanjun blurts. Zhangjing doesn’t give any negative reaction, so he probably agrees. “Which reminds me, why are you letting me know about your brother and even helping you with this stuffs? I mean, if you only needed someone to move them, it could be anyone, right? You could’ve saved yourself from telling others about your brother too, if you intended to keep it secret.”

“That’s right…” Zhangjing’s eyes wander as he speaks into the air. “That’s right, why did I choose you? Why did I bother to tell you about my brother? What was I doing?” Yanjun must’ve made a kind of dejected face because Zhangjing pinches his cheek when he glances at him. “I’m kidding, silly. Of course I know what I’m doing. I asked you because you’re the only one who’s available to contact, and you’d come without asking too many questions. I love how pliant you are when it comes to me.”

Yanjun chokes when the beer goes into his windpipe instead, and Zhangjing pats his back half worried and half laughing.

“Oh my God, I’m sorry,” Zhangjing giggles uncontrollably with one hand on Yanjun’s back, continuously patting him. “Are you okay?”

“Please don’t- don’t make jokes like that,” Yanjun groans. “You don’t know what effect you’re having on other people, Xiao You.”

“Okay, okay, I’m really sorry,” Zhangjing says when his laughter dies down. “About my brother… honestly I didn’t know. I didn’t plan to tell you either, I could’ve just brushed it off when you peeked into the box. But talking with you is fun and I don’t see any harm about sharing it with you, I know you can keep a secret.”

“Are you sure it’s not because you want to spend your time with me privately?”

“Look at you being cocky two seconds after you looked like you might pass out from choking on your beer,” Zhangjing clicks his tongue. “But I’m going to lie if I said I wasn’t.”

If Yanjun was drinking, he might’ve choked for the second time.

“ _What_?”

“What is what?”

“You’re not tricking me again, Xiao You, not like when we’re eating Thai food last time.”

It takes Zhangjing three seconds to understand, and he bursts out laughing. “You’re holding a grudge over that?” he asks, face all bright and his bunny teeth are showing and Yanjun may or may not have gripped his beer can a little harder. “You have good memory, but I’m not tricking you. It’s true, at some point. Isn’t it normal to make friends with someone you’re working with? Even though privately sounds a little bit… exclusive. Your pompous ass really needs to calm down.”

Yanjun huffs and lets out a breathy laugh. “Of course it’s normal. Who else you’re talking with if not us?”

“Exactly,” Zhangjing avers. “Oh, I’ve finished my beer. Do you want another one?”

Yanjun shakes his head, “No, are you getting _another_ one?”

“Two cans of beer before lunch won’t get you drunk,” Zhangjing says brightly as he stands up and throws the empty can to the nearest trash bin. “Lin Yanjun, we have another secret to keep. Don’t mention anything when Jeffrey is here.”

“The beers are his?” Yanjun wants to laugh, because they literally stole them from the fridge while the owner wasn’t around. “Okay, let’s hope Jeffrey won’t ask for CCTV records when he realises a few of his cans are gone.”

“Don’t worry about that, I am the one with full access to all CCTV recordings in this building,” Zhangjing chuckles. “Thank you for your help today, I’ll see you around later.”

Yanjun nods and waves Zhangjing goodbye. He has nothing to do and decides to stay on the rooftop a little longer—his head is replete with various information and he feels dizzy. Is it because of the beer or Zhangjing and his surprising behaviour today, Yanjun isn’t quite sure, the beer may have taken his sobriety faster than he thought it would.

At least Yanjun is sure about two things: 1) he himself is happy to spend some time with Zhangjing _privately_ and; 2) he keeps Zhangjing a secret, something Zhangjing doesn’t share with anyone else besides him. It’s not like _The_ smile and his usual good luck or the friendly pat on the back before a mission that Zhangjing does to everyone, this is something only two of them know about.

Yanjun is feeling a little tipsy, but he’s so, so, so happy and he starts smiling so wide like a fool.

He’s lucky he doesn’t have to explain why even if someone catches him in this state; there’s always alcohol to blame.

 

 

 

 

The next time Yanjun is sent for another mission, it’s Paris. The city of dream for the hopeless romantics. Yanjun isn’t one of them, but he had gone to Paris before and he had missed the city.

Only the city, not the things he has to do while staying at the city.

“The city is beautiful, our mission is ugly.”

Linong snickers beside him, immediately forgetting they’re on the rooftop of a twenty-story building, assembling a rifle. “For the past year being paired up with you, I have no memory of being sent into a mission that’s not ugly.”

“It’s true,” Yanjun vehemently agrees and presses two fingers on his earpiece. “Did you hear that, Xiao You? Please send me and Nongnong to a mission that isn’t ugly once in a while.”

_“Like what, appreciating arts in the museum? Do I even need to contact my best agents to do something like that?”_

Linong cackles again, he always seems to enjoy the banter between Yanjun and Zhangjing on the field.

“Ge, I’m finished with the rifle. Are you sure you’re going to do this?”

Yanjun nods and ruffles Linong’s head affectionately. Linong rarely address him or everyone older than Linong himself as gege for professional reasons, only at times when they are alone, so it’s endearing when he does. “Thank you, my baby partner. Go downstairs and wait for my instructions to move.”

Linong sighs and nods. Yanjun knows he doesn’t like the choice Yanjun made for him—but their current mission is risky and dangerous and if anyone between them has to die on the field, it better be Yanjun. Linong is young and he has a lot of chances, he’s much smarter, faster, and has better logic than Yanjun.

 _“You’re doing it again,”_ says the voice on his ear. It’s gentle but is thick with worry. _“I have never questioned your choice because I know you have your reasons to protect him, but don’t be selfless for nothing.”_

“Xiao You, Nongnong will get hurt if he heard that from you. Do you know how much that kid is looking up to you?”

_“I muted his device. Only you can hear me.”_

Yanjun exhales loudly. “I have no choice. I need someone to continue running with the baton if they got my legs so they can finish the mission if anything happened to me. Linong is strong and I don’t want him to waver, he’s our key player for this mission.”

_“Do I have to remind you again that you’re against a very dangerous, cold-blooded human trafficking organisation that had taken numerous girls and women captive? Your priority is to make sure the hostages are alive and free them. Avoid any unnecessary fights.”_

“I know, Zhangjing. I get it.”

_“Finish the mission and come back alive.”_

“I will… well that’s what I want too, but we can’t be so sure.”

_“Lin Yanjun!”_

“Okay, I’m kidding. I will come back alive, completely intact, still handsome as ever. Mark my words.”

Zhangjing doesn’t respond afterward, but it’s only because Linong tells him from his earpiece that their target is entering the building next to them.

Their target is a Hong Kong rich businessman who seems to run a normal restaurant in disguise of his ugly actual business: selling out underage girls and women as prostitute outside the country. Zhangjing told him multiple times that this person is dangerous because he doesn’t really know how to fight but he’s a skilled murderer when armed. He has a bunch of men on his side too, some of them are very sensitive of unwanted visitor and that’s the exact reason why Yanjun and Linong part ways with Yanjun on stand-by on the other building, ready to shoot the target enough to immobilise him and while the attention is on him, Linong will look for the hostages.

That sounded quite reasonable during the briefing. It seemed pretty okay when Yanjun wrote down the plan details on the plane that brought him to Paris. Getting it into action is the biggest obstacle.

 _“Good luck,”_ is the last thing he hears on his ear before he immerses himself completely into the mission. His target is on easy spot for him to shoot—Yanjun isn’t specifically trained to be a sniper but he’s confident on what he’s got on his hands.

He positions his finger on the trigger, exhaling slowly. He’s done something similar with this several times in the past, but each time feels like first. He starts the countdown from five and pulls the trigger aiming at the leg of his target at one, causing an immediate uproar from the neighbour building.

“Linong, I’ve got their attention. Get in now! Send someone to take our target before he escapes!”

Yanjun takes his rifle and starts running when several gunshots are heard behind him. Zhangjing gives him the fastest escape route and now Yanjun is already leaving the building to lure as many people as he can, but Yanjun knows they won’t let him go that easy. This feels familiar, he remembers being in this particular scene for more than thirty times already—he’s reluctant but he has to say Paris has the best view amongst the other backgrounds—but Yanjun still hasn’t got used to it yet, he wonders if he has to get used of people running after him wanting to take his life. He still thinks about a lot of things too, and almost loses his footing when Zhangjing’s face pops up in his head. The image quickly dissipates when Yanjun hears Zhangjing’s scream hurting his eardrum.

_“Focus, Lin Yanjun! Your target had brought more people than we’d expected. You have to get out of the area as soon as possible, our people won’t be able to cover all of them!”_

“I know that, You Zhangjing. What do you think I’m doing right now?”

_“I don’t know, but your mind isn’t with your body just now. You almost hit a brick wall with your head if your reflex didn’t dodge in time. Do you think I didn’t see that?”_

Yanjun laughs, “At least I dodged it in time.”

_“Yanjun, wait. There are three people armed at the end of the lane. Can you confront them?”_

Yanjun is fast to press his back to the nearest wall and from his spot he can see three shadows grouping at his only way out. This doesn’t look nice. “Do I have another option? Preferably a friendlier one?”

_“I have one. Climb up the wall beside you and confront them from the rooftop.”_

Yanjun hopes Zhangjing’s face pops up inside his head once again so he can punch him in the face. “Don’t be a dick, You Zhangjing. Just tell me I have to use my fist. You’re giving me false hope.”

Zhangjing’s laugh rings on Yanjun’s ear like a bell. It’s clear and vivid and Yanjun is willing to pay to hear this laugh forever. _“I was testing you. Seems like your mind is back on its place again.”_

Yanjun takes a deep breath, he has no other choice. “Give me a sign to ambush.”

 

 

 

 

It happens so fast Yanjun can’t picture the details perfectly on his head. He only remembers fragments by fragments and his head is throbbing painfully when he tries to dig more events.

He remembers he throws his rifle away somewhere and he doesn’t has time to locate it; he also remembers he knocks the three people down with bare fist—but he doesn’t remember one of them grabbing him by the neck and the other one launches himself on him—

—with a knife on his hand, stabbing Yanjun’s abdomen.

Yanjun remembers his head is spinning when he sees red soaks through his white shirt, and he feels like his soul is being scraped out of his body when the knife is forcefully taken away. He falls on his knees in silent groan, while Zhangjing is shouting his name in cracking voice.

Yanjun remembers hearing someone—is it Linong? It’s most probably Linong—cries and holds him with trembling hands, slowly placing his head on their lap. Yanjun doesn’t remember closing his eyes, but he does remember feeling so sleepy all of sudden.

_“Lin Yanjun! Wake up! Don’t leave me!”_

Yanjun remembers them as the last words his brain manages to proceed before everything is pitch black.

 

 

 

 

When Yanjun opens his eyes again, he’s lying on a bed that isn’t his and his body is aching like a truck has run over him. His right abdomen seems to be the source of his pain, along with Zhangjing’s death glare from the side of his bed.

Yanjun tries to smile innocently. “Um, hi?”

“Hi?” Zhangjing repeats in disbelief. “‘Hi’ is the first thing you said to me after what had happened in Paris? Do you need our medical staffs to cut your small intestine and choke your neck with it so you will get your senses back?!”

Yanjun doesn’t need anyone to tell him twice that Zhangjing is furious. The problem is, he has very very limited memory of what had happened in Paris—just like how Zhangjing said it—and _hi_ was the most sensible thing he could think of.

Apparently Zhangjing doesn’t think the same.

“Don’t be so harsh on him, Zhangjing. He will regain his memory in two or three days, it’s not like he’s suddenly waking up with amnesia.”

Someone has just entered Yanjun’s room and he squints to figure out who is it. It takes approximately ten seconds until Yanjun’s brain can match the face of the doctor in front him with someone he knows from his database—it’s Han Mubo, one of their senior med staffs.

“How are you today?” Mubo asks, checking Yanjun’s IV drip and he lifts up Yanjun’s shirt to press on his stomach carefully. “Do you feel pain anywhere?”

“Yeah, on my stomach where you just touched.”

“No wonder, the wound is pretty deep so it will take some time to heal.” Mubo whips his head around and asks Zhangjing, “Do you want to change his dressing?”

Zhangjing shakes his head. “No, I’d rather eat my breakfast peacefully and go back to work.” He stomps angrily and storms out of the room. Yanjun blinks, completely speechless and perplexed. Mubo laughs and wordlessly pulling a cart with bandages and stuffs inside, sitting beside Yanjun’s bed.

“I’m going to change your dressing,” Mubo announces as he wears his gloves and lifts up Yanjun’s shirt again. Yanjun can see the bandage is red with blood and he grimaces a little. “So, how long do you think you’ve been sleeping?”

Yanjun calculates roughly on his head, “Well, ten hours at most?”

Mubo smiles and looks up to stare at Yanjun’s eyes for three seconds. “Multiple by five,” he says and looks back down to remove the tapes securing the gauze on Yanjun’s stomach. “You’ve been unconscious for more than fifty hours, sixty if we counted the hours before you got proper medical treatment.”

Yanjun gulps, “That long? Is that why Zhangjing is mad at me?”

“He’s not mad, you fool. He was worried sick, I’ve never seen him that panic and anxious before. You nearly got all of us heart attack with what happened, and Linong was crying so much we thought we’d lost you forever.”

“Please enlighten me,” Yanjun says weakly. He waits patiently until Mubo is finished changing his dressing and taking off his gloves.

“You got stabbed in Paris,” Mubo starts in serious tone. “You passed out because you lost a lot of blood and your blood pressure dropped instantly. You were bleeding so much; if we were late by five minutes, you could’ve got hemoperitoneum—you know, blood is accumulating inside your abdomen—but luckily Linong managed to hold the bleeding down for a while and he made sure you keep breathing. He did that while crying nonstop and he got your blood everywhere on him it looked like a scene from a war movie.”

Yanjun can’t imagine Linong’s crying face with blood everywhere on him—that’s just too cruel. He admits he often teases Linong because of his baby face, but deep down Yanjun knows Linong _is_ still a baby and he treats him as one.

“Uh, thank you for saving me, I guess? And for explaining to me. I bet it’s going to be painful when the memories come back.”

“You’re welcome. Don’t force yourself, you’ll be okay. Just take it slow.” Mubo glances at Yanjun’s dressing and frowns. “Wait, it shall notlook like this. Let me redo this again, I guess I’m only good at theory but I’m lack of practice.”

Yanjun raises an eyebrow at the physician. “What are you talking about? Is this the first time I get my bandage changed after fainted for over than fifty hours?”

“No, we changed your bandages every so often. But this is the first time I’m doing it myself after a while so my dressing isn’t perfect,” Mubo sounds a little embarrassed to say that. “Zhangjing could’ve done it five times better than me.”

“Zhangjing?” Yanjun repeats.

“Yeah, Zhangjing. He’s the one who’d changed your bandage and stayed by your side after your surgery ended, it’s over than fifty hours in total. If you want to say thank you to someone, Zhangjing deserves all your thanks for three generations. He’d done more than anyone else here to make sure you’re alive.”

 

 

 

 

Linong bawls the moment Yanjun sees him again when he comes to visit with some friends in the afternoon (Yanjun finally knows that he’s under treatment in HQ Medical Centre), so Yanjun lets him hook one arm around Yanjun’s neck and cry on his shoulder. Dinghao, Jeffrey, and Chaoze—a friend of Yanjun who’s been stationed in Hawaii for months now—are also there, looking sympathetically at him.

“I thought you had died! I was so scared! I thought you’d run out of blood because it was pooling under your body!” Linong’s sad babble is muffled under Yanjun’s shirt and skin. “I thought I was going to die when I saw you passed out in my lap, I seriously thought you’d died, ge!”

Yanjun reaches out to pat Linong’s back to comfort him. “There, there. I’m sorry, okay? I don’t remember so I can’t say anything, but I’m really sorry. I’m sorry I made you scared.”

Dinghao and Jeffrey step up to pull Linong away from Yanjun when it’s getting harder for Yanjun to breathe. Linong cries on Dinghao now, despite being one whole head taller than the latter.

“I’m sorry I made you guys worry,” Yanjun smiles apologetically at his friends. “Who would expect such a plot twist when we were so close to our victory?”

“I know right,” Jeffrey sighs. “But your opponent won in number, and they brought a fucking knife. Always the traditional way to knock someone out.”

“The traditional way is proven to be working,” Chaoze say with a shrug. “But we’re relieved that you’re safe. Everyone was cold sweating while waiting for your surgery, you know.”

“I know, I’m sorry, and thank you. They even called you out from Hawaii, huh?”

“Someone needs to be your substitute until you’re steady enough to come back to work,” Chaoze pats Yanjun’s arm and smiles. “I agreed immediately because man, you’re my friend. There’s no way I’d let you work in your condition. Second, I’ve missed everyone, especially Zhangjing’s nags during mission. Is he still doing that?”

“More than ever,” Dinghao says, rolling his eyes. “He’s gotten better at reading people’s moves now.”

“He was scary when he found out Yanjun got hurt,” Linong says between his sobs. Everyone shifts their eyes on him, waiting for him to continue. “He was raging for sure, but there’s nothing he could do so he helped me stopping Yanjun’s bleeding until the doctors arrived.”

Yanjun blinks rapidly. “Zhangjing helped you performed first aid on me?”

Linong nods as he wipes his tears. “I was terrified I couldn’t think of anything so Xiao You guided me step by step. He sounded really angry but he kept his voice low for me so I could follow his instructions,” Linong looks at Yanjun and smiles. “Xiao You cares about you a lot more than you think.”

Yanjun isn’t sure how to respond at that, but Dinghao beats him to react by saying, “Oh, look, Yanjun is blushing.”

Yanjun glares at his friend, “Shut up, I’m not blushing!”

“You _shut up_ , you can’t see your face but we can,” Jeffrey cuts him off completely. “Come on, guys, let’s go and let him rest. We can come again tomorrow.”

“Thank you guys, really.” Yanjun says genuinely. He’s lucky to be surrounded by good people at his shitty job, even though it makes him incredibly guilty for making a scene. “Chaoze, I trust Linong to you. Take care of him.”

Chaoze gives him a loose salute. “Sure, I will.”

“You sound like a grandfather,” Dinghao laughs and waves Yanjun goodbye after the rest of the group walk out of the room, leaving Dinghao alone with Yanjun inside. “Get some rest Lin Yanjun, we’ll drop by here again tomorrow.”

Yanjun smile and nods. He calls Dinghao before he exits the room and Dinghao turns around, asking if he needs something.

“Do you know where Xiao You is?”

“I haven’t seen him all day, maybe he’s working in The House?” Dinghao questions back, unsure. “Do you want me to call him or simply drag him here?”

Yanjun’s whole body flinches. “What? No! I was just asking. Thanks, you may go.”

“Okay, whatever makes you feel better.” Dinghao grins and shuts the door from outside.

Yanjun’s room is quiet, and it suffocates him. Yanjun is never one who hates silence, he appreciates it, even. But only when he has nothing to do other than blinking and breathing does he realise how much he yearns for someone to keep him company.

His thought goes to Zhangjing right away, and Mubo’s words this morning about him staying beside Yanjun when he was unconscious. Then why was he acting so weird when Yanjun saw him? Wasn’t he supposed to be happy to see Yanjun awake?

Yanjun groans loudly; the groan is quietly followed by another one because he accidentally strains his stomach muscles by doing so. Yanjun wonders how he’ll go to sleep tonight, he even considers asking (or begging) Mubo to give him light anaesthetic to lessen the goddamn pain.

 

 

 

 

Zhangjing shows up at Yanjun’s room at night, a few minutes after dinner. He quietly collects Yanjun’s dirty plates on the tray and puts it away, pulling the bandage cart and sits on the chair beside Yanjun’s bed.

Zhangjing is busy removing the old dressing from Yanjun’s wound when Yanjun speaks up first. “Are you still angry?”

Zhangjing sighs dramatically long and looks up from his work. “Do I look like I’m angry?”

Yanjun hesitates but he nods. “Yeah, since I saw you this morning. Look, I’m really sorry I made you worry and all, I didn’t expect things to turn that way. I’ll be more careful next time, I promise.”

“You better be. Do you expect us to come and save your ass every single time?”

Yanjun sighs. “Zhangjing, I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to scare you or everyone, I didn’t mean to make Linong cry and all. I’m sorry—”

“Do you know how scary it was for me?” Zhangjing cuts in. He’s finished with the dressing—fortunately—because if he isn’t, Yanjun is afraid he may have stabbed Yanjun with the scissor he’s holding earlier. “Do you know how I was fucking scared to death when the screen showed me you were lying on the ground, bleeding and unconscious, and how much it hurt me because I could only stare at you helplessly? And Linong was crying, God, he was crying and I panicked, I didn’t know what should I do, and you were so fucking far away and I almost died on the spot—”

Yanjun cuts Zhangjing’s ramble by squeezing Zhangjing’s fingers gently. Zhangjing gazes at him. “What?”

“Can you help me adjusting my bed? I want to sit up.”

Zhangjing does without asking and he is still leaning into Yanjun’s body when Yanjun pulls him close all of sudden, hugging him in the most awkward position thanks to the medical equipment all over his body and the piercing pain on his stomach when he moves so carelessly. Zhangjing seems to notice Yanjun’s low grunt because he pulls away from Yanjun in lightning speed and readjusts the bed to rest position again.

“Stop moving around, your wound is still new. You’ll ruin the stitches.”

“I haven’t even said sorry.”

“I heard you said that several times already.”

“Not when I hugged you.”

Zhangjing sighs, “Stop joking,” he says in exhausted tone. “I can’t keep up with your jokes right now, my energy is drained.”

Yanjun gives Zhangjing a dimpled smile. “Because you’ve been taking care of me for two days? I haven’t said thanks for that.”

Zhangjing looks surprised, “How did you know that?”

“Mubo-ge told me this morning, when he was changing my dressing. He said you’d done that task better and him and stayed beside me during the time I was unconscious.”

Yanjun can’t fight a smile on his lips when he sees Zhangjing looks away to mumble something under his breath along the line: _Lao Han you jerk, you need to stitch up your own mouth before you stitch someone’s stomach._

“Thank you, Xiao You. And I’m sorry,” says Yanjun. He means every word, he does feel guilty for causing so much trouble and he’s grateful, really, really grateful for what Zhangjing had done to him. “I’m sorry I hurt you,” he continues. Zhangjing seems to be taken aback by the sentence; his wide eyes meet Yanjun’s and Yanjun can see tears brimming on the corner of his eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. Don’t cry.”

Yanjun lifts a hand to caress Zhangjing’s cheek when Zhangjing’s defence finally breaks down and he starts sobbing, tears rolling down his face uncontrollably. _How long had he tried to hold back his tears?_ Yanjun thinks, palm pressing on Zhangjing’s cheek, his heart hurts in so many ways he can’t explain. He’s the reason why Zhangjing is like this – the fact hurts more than any wounds on his body.

That day, Yanjun learns that seeing Zhangjing get hurt paralyses him more than a stab wound does.

 

 

 

 

Seven days has passed and Yanjun is still semi-hospitalised in HQ Medical Centre, feeling all bloated and stiff and so unlike a field agent. His friends are still visiting from time to time, sometimes they use Yanjun’s visit hours as an escape from case reports they should be doing instead.

“You and Xiao You are getting close these days,” Linong points out when he visits alone that day, giggling. “Like, _really_ close. It’s not like we didn’t notice how you always ogled at him in every single chance you got, but it’s different this time.”

Yanjun chokes on a small piece of apple he’s eating and Linong happily claps his back while laughing.

“It’s true, then! Look at your ears, they’re so pink. How cute!”

“I didn’t ogle at him,” Yanjun argues after the apple piece goes to its right way to his digestive system. “Where did you learn to say something like that about me?”

“It’s a hot topic everywhere, ge. You don’t know that? But don’t worry, everyone wishes you good luck because you two look good together.”

Yanjun glares at the younger. “What has Chaoze said to you during my absence?”

Linong cackles and Yanjun knows it _must_ be Chaoze’s doing. Chaoze’s utmost ability is speaking persuasively and he’s one of the company’s best negotiators, sadly he often abuses his strength into talking bullshit about his colleagues behind their backs – it’s a piece of cake for him to make people side with him whether what he said was true or not (usually not true).

But maybe, Chaoze does have a point this time. Zhangjing and Yanjun are suddenly inseparable, Zhangjing spends most of his time taking care of Yanjun instead of staying in The House to do his work—whenever Yanjun asks him “What about your work?” Zhangjing replies with “Don’t worry, I got Ruibin to cover for me. Now stop talking and eat.”—Yanjun doesn’t complain because one, for some visible and selfish reasons he _wishes_ for Zhangjing to stay with him although he doesn’t say it out loud; two, Zhangjing is surprisingly an expert at nursing people back to health; and three, they are never running out of topic to talk about.

(Somewhere along small talks during late night snacks (it’s a bag of potato chips for Zhangjing and a plate of diced apple for Yanjun) does Yanjun realise he may have fallen in love with You Zhangjing.)

“Chaoze said you’re a good person, and you deserve to be loved by another good person.” Linong smiles widely. “You know, when I said that you had this player look on you, I really meant that. I was surprised when I finally realised the way you looked at Xiao You and thought, if you really were a player, then you’re a loser because you never looked at anyone else that way. That fact has been unanimously confirmed, by the way.”

Yanjun laughs. “It’s honestly weird to hear all of these from you, but you’re right, I guess. Thanks?”

Linong chuckles, “What for?”

“For fixing my player image in that small head of yours, since I’ve never been one to begin with. I was born with this look, there’s nothing I could do about this.”

Linong pouts disappointedly. “You’re no fun, ge.”

Yanjun ruffles Linong’s head and laughs. “How’s the field? You must be missing me beside you so bad, right?”

Linong shakes his head cheerfully. “Nope, I’m not! Chaoze is an efficient guy, he calculates everything well and it helps us to survive with our ammunition longer on the field. It’s been fun doing undercover with him, he’s surprisingly better than you in one thing or two.”

Yanjun gives Linong a disgusted look. “Fine, you don’t need me anymore, and you’ve found your new favourite. I can deal with that, I’ll pack my bag, go back to my hometown and be a farmer. I’ll tell my neighbours that my baby partner doesn’t want me anymore, and I have no reason to stay here. Thank you for the memories, Chen Linong. You deserve to be with someone better than me.”

“Gege, no! Don’t do that! I was kidding!”

Linong laughs so loud he only stops when his stomach is cramping. He almost topples down his chair if someone isn’t holding up the chair—Yanjun and Linong whip their heads simultaneously to see Zhangjing.

“Hello, Xiao You! Fancy seeing you here,” Linong greets his rescuer brightly. Zhangjing smiles and flicks Linong’s forehead playfully.

“I’m not fancy seeing you here, Nongnong. Aren’t you supposed to do your last mission report at The House? I knew you’d be here when Chaoze told me you’re out to do a business.”

“I’m having a manly private talk with Yanjun-ge here,” Linong pouts. “Aren’t we, Yanjun-ge?”

“Yeah, until you ditched me for Lin Chaoze saying he was better than me.”

“You traitor,” Linong hisses at him. “Okay then, I’m going. You two! Don’t do anything inappropriate! This is a place for health treatment and nothing else!”

Zhangjing and Yanjun freeze—it’s _really_ awkward after Linong leaves. Zhangjing is the first to break the ice, though, he’s fast at reading a situation and adapting to it.

“Lao Han says you’re free to go if the result of your latest examination is good,” he says and takes a seat beside Yanjun. “They want to see if your wound has started healing and later they will decide your next treatment outside the centre.”

“Outside the centre,” Yanjun hums thoughtfully, “does that mean I’m going to get treatment at my place?”

“Of course, where else? You’re not going to do any work until you’re entirely healed so you have no point of loitering around the HQ,” Yanjun flinches a little when Zhangjing lifts his shirt up to touch his dressing—it’s definitely not the pain, it’s just Yanjun’s body reacts to Zhangjing’s sudden feathery touch on his skin and it sends electric wave down his spine—and asks, “How long has it been since the last time you came home?”

It gets Yanjun thinking, too. Most of his mission are abroad and when he isn’t doing one, he stays at the HQ building, mainly at The House. His fellow field agents are doing the same thing and it’s genuinely funny how all of them can’t remember the last time they touched their own place.

“I can’t remember, probably before that one mission in Vegas?”

“Gosh, it’s been forever.”

“At least my place isn’t going to look like a garbage dump since no one lives there. Oh! I put out the garbage the last time I was there, too.”

“It’s great to know you still have common sense,” Zhangjing says and laughs. “I’ll help you clean your place to make it look decent enough to live in. You’re unable to do it by yourself anyway.”

Yanjun smiles so wide he almost breaks his jaw. “Thank you, Xiao You. I really appreciate your help.”

“Don’t mention it,” Zhangjing gives him a gentle smile. “I forgot to say this to you, it’s late but better late than never, right?” Zhangjing inhales and says, “Thank you for coming back alive, agent Lin Yanjun.”

The corners of Yanjun’s lips curled up into a smile. Zhangjing’s simple words make him feel full; completed. Like he’s been searching for the past week but he doesn’t know what’s missing. He never knew Zhangjing had taken that much part inside him.

“Yeah,” Yanjun says in almost a whisper. He’s relieved, the first time feeling so light after a week full of apologising to everyone he has caused trouble for. “I’m back.”

 

 

 

 

Lu Dinghao is a great agent on the field: he’s smart, fast, sometimes cunning, and always persistent. What he wants is what he got – it’s his motto of life. It’s beneficial for him and his partner during work, but it’s a disadvantage when it comes to what-so-called friendship between him and Yanjun.

Dinghao has been trying to get Yanjun to confess that he likes Zhangjing (and has to emphasise it with the word romantically) for about five minutes now.

“Can you _please_ stop bugging me with that question? What does my personal feeling have to do with you?”

“Not until I get your verbal confession. I’ll have this recorded on my phone.”

Yanjun rolls his eyes. “And what next? Are you going to play it in front of Zhangjing and everyone in The House?”

Dinghao laughs and his laughter sounds evil from Yanjun’s perspective, but then again Dinghao is _never_ not evil and it’s just a matter of time for him to get used to it. “That’s part of the plan if it takes too long to work the magic between you two.”

Yanjun squints at his friend. “No, you’re not going to meddle in my very personal matter. I won’t let you.”

“I’m not asking for your permission and you can’t tell me what to do, I will meddle if I feel like it,” Dinghao raises a finger at Yanjun. “But back at the question, do you _really_ like You Zhangjing? Our cute Xiao You? Do you like him?”

“I thought everyone here liked him? He’s nice and lovable. It’s easy to like him, even for people who only met him for the first time.”

Dinghao looks like he wants to strangle Yanjun if he isn’t the patient right now. “Don’t play dumb. Not everyone here wants to get into his pants.”

“Hey!”

“I’m serious! That’s how all of us interpret the way you like at him—sorry, my mistake—the way you drool at him every time you meet him face to face. I almost feel bad for you, really, because it’s really obvious in your face but Xiao You doesn’t even bat an eye.”

Yanjun covers his face with his palms, moaning in agony. “I hate you, Lu Dinghao, you hurt my heart. Get out.”

“That’s why you should tell me honestly, my dear friend, so I can help you overcoming the sad truth if later it turns out that Xiao You doesn’t look at you that way.”

“I’m really going to kick your face when I’m all better, please prepare your best angle and put three dots on it so I won’t miss my target.”

Dinghao cracks up and hits Yanjun’s arm so hard Yanjun is almost convinced he’d see Dinghao’s palm print when he changes his clothes later. “You should look at your face, Lin Yanjun, oh my God. You looked so serious _and_ sad, oh my God this is hilarious. You don’t have to answer me, I got it already.”

Yanjun isn’t in the mood to argue, so he lets Dinghao say whatever he wants.

“You know, You Zhangjing…” Yanjun snaps his head when he hears Zhangjing’s name is being mentioned, “...I don’t think he’d do what he did when you were stabbed in Paris if he doesn’t have any feeling toward you. I’m not giving you hope, of course, how would I know what’s inside Zhangjing’s heart, but I’m talking as someone who has known him for years.”

“Like what? Helping Linong to perform first aid on me? Christ, I would’ve died back then if he didn’t do that. I’m still thankful, of course, but I don’t see your point.”

“He was crying.”

Yanjun stops breathing for a millisecond. “What?”

“He cried. I was at The House with him that time, so I saw everything. The House was in a chaos when Linong contacted us while crying so bad, but it was even worse when Zhangjing got the access to the nearest camera on your coordinate and he saw you were lying there, pale as snow, your blood pooling under your body. He didn’t say anything, but I knew he cried. He wasn’t sobbing like Linong did, I think he cried because he was angry. Luckily he got his sense back faster than any of us and that’s how he started helping Linong performing the first aid so you wouldn’t die on his lap.”

Yanjun gulps visibly. His heart racing expectantly even though he tries not to. “Why was he angry?”

“I don’t know, maybe he was angry because you were so stupid that you didn’t see one of your opponents got knife,” Dinghao shrugs. “But my point is, we’re field agents, okay. We have faced that kind of situation multiple times on the field, we’re putting our lives on the line on every mission. But Zhangjing has never cried for us no matter how bad the situation is. He’s always the most rational person between us, you know that too. Zhangjing is not an overly emotional people, he rarely shows emotion in front of us. But I know he does when it comes to you.”

Yanjun and Dinghao aren’t close at all ‒ they form a weird bond of friendship where Dinghao roasts him most of the time, and Yanjun retorts with harsher remarks to maintain his pride. Yanjun does not spend long enough time to know Dinghao in personal level, but Yanjun knows when Dinghao is genuinely speaking his mind to him. This time is one of those times.

It makes Yanjun a bit scared, too. He hasn’t wholly embraced the fact that he may have fallen in love with You Zhangjing yet, and the fifty-fifty probability of either Zhangjing likes him back or no makes his stomach churn uncomfortably.

“Maybe we should stop talking about this topic for the time being,” Yanjun decides. “I still- I don’t know, I’m still unsure. I don’t want him to notice anything until I’m completely sure about this.”

“You’ve got a point,” Dinghao agrees. “But in case you need help, I’m going to make time for you anytime! I’m such a good friend, in case you don’t know now you know.”

“You just need more materials to mock me in the future,” says Yanjun flatly.

“That!” Dinghao flicks his fingers and laughs. “That's what friends are for. Aren’t you agree?”

 

 

 

 

“Are you double functioning as a chauffeur now?” Yanjun asks Jeffrey when he finds out the latter is waiting for him at the lobby of HQ Medical Centre, for the umpteenth time being the one who fetches him from one place to another. “It almost feels like you’re my personal driver.”

“Oh shut up, I’m getting richer like this and I’m not going to share my money with you,” Jeffrey grumbles as he helps Yanjun getting into the car on the back seat. Mubo lets Yanjun discharge from the centre and jokingly say it’s because they need the room Yanjun’s been staying in for days, but he later convinces him that Yanjun’s post-surgery wound is healing just fine, so bed rest is no longer necessary.

“On the contrary, you have to start moving your body so your muscles aren’t sleeping for too long. Light exercise only, we don’t want to open your stomach for the second time because you break the stitches after excessive workout,” Mubo says to him before he claps Yanjun on the shoulder and wishes him good luck.

“Is Xiao You coming with you?” Jeffrey asks. Yanjun nods and clears his throat awkwardly when Jeffrey is grinning at him. “Very thoughtful of others, aren’t you, Xiao You?” he shouts loudly when he spots Zhangjing is leaving the building as well and walking up to them.

Zhangjing hits Jeffrey’s head without saying anything and gets into the car to sit beside Yanjun. Jeffrey closes the door, laughing, until he realises that he’s sitting by himself on the front and now does it really feel like he’s driving for Yanjun and Zhangjing as their personal driver.

“Hey! This is absolutely unfair! This is a disgrace to me and my family! Who says I’m being paid to be your fucking chauffeur?!”

“Shut up and just drive the car, Jeff. You’re definitely being paid extra for this very task,” Zhangjing says from the back seat. Yanjun laughs and glances quickly at Zhangjing—only to see Zhangjing is staring back at him, his eyes fond.

Yanjun’s heart does multiple somersaults inside his ribcage.

“What? Is there something in my face?” Yanjun asks cautiously. Zhangjing shakes his head, smiling.

“No, it just feels like a dream to see you laugh like this again. Two weeks ago, I didn’t think it was possible.”

Yanjun smiles and reaches out to squeeze Zhangjing’s hand. “Yeah, me too.”

(Of course, Jeffrey just has to ruin the moment by faking vomit from the front seat, making Zhangjing and Yanjun’s hands jump apart and both look away to hide the pink on their cheeks.)

 

 

 

 

Yanjun’s place isn’t atrociously messy, but dust is stacking up on every corner and it doesn’t feel like home at all.

“You left this place too often, this house doesn’t seem like yours.” Zhangjing comments when he looks around. “I bet this is your temporary place to sleep in and to store your clothes, probably. You don’t look like the type who cooks—” he checks the kitchen cabinets and drawers, “—of course I’m right.”

Yanjun sits on his couch—doesn’t feel as nice as the couch in The House—and lets Zhangjing do a thorough inspection at his place. “Pretty much true. I spend most of the time at the HQ when I’m not doing mission I almost forget how this place looks like.”

“You spend too much time hanging on my place without even helping me with my work,” Zhangjing whines. “I’m going to clean your room first so you can rest there while I’m doing the other chores. Dear Lord, never thought in my years of working as an analyst, I’d end up cleaning my work mate’s house at some point.”

“Don’t do it if you’re not wanting to do it,” Yanjun says. “It’s your idea to bring me back home. I could’ve got treatment somewhere inside the HQ instead.”

“With all due respect, Your Highness, our Headquarter building is a company, _your_ company where you’re working there, and you’re not just getting treatment anywhere around the building that easy,” Zhangjing chuckles and pulls Yanjun to stand on his feet. “Come on, show me your room. I give you a chance to hide things you don’t want me to see before I throw whatever I count as garbage.”

Yanjun complies, having no reason to stop Zhangjing to do the good deeds for the sick. He watches Zhangjing changes his sheet and clean the whole room from the doorframe, a smile creeping up his lips without him knowing. Yanjun has never thought, not even in his wildest dream, that he would see Zhangjing in his place, cleaning up his room because Yanjun is unable to do that by himself. It’s all Zhangjing’s suggestion so Yanjun doesn’t feel guilty, but it does make him wonder why Zhangjing is even bothered to do this.

Still, Yanjun decides not to ask, because when he thinks of how he should put it into words, Dinghao’s words about Zhangjing and him reappear and Yanjun loses himself every time. He isn’t ready for whatever Zhangjing’s reaction is to his feeling, and when he it happens someday, Yanjun wants it to be a proper confession.

Today is: definitely not the day.

Zhangjing finishes cleaning Yanjun’s room a moment after and the petite man jokes that it’s not hard to clean Yanjun’s room because he literally has nothing inside other than a bed, a lamp on the nightstand, a cupboard, a desk and a chair. Zhangjing dubs his room as a lonely old man’s room and Yanjun has nothing to argue with that.

“What? You’re admitting that you’re old and lonely?”

Yanjun shrugs, “I’m not that young and I live alone, being lonely comes along naturally.”

Zhangjing blinks at him in disbelief. “I can’t believe I wasted two minutes trying to joke with you,” he groans. “Go and wait in your room, I’m going to do the rest and make us something to eat. I doubt you have anything edible inside your fridge so I’ll need to do grocery shopping too - geez, this is such a bad idea. This is the worst idea.”

Yanjun laughs out loud seeing how stressed out Zhangjing is. “Do you still want to do this or give up and leave?”

Zhangjing looks up and glares at him. “Are you kidding? Of course I’m going to man up and finish this. I don’t do things half-heartedly.”

“You’re going to exhaust yourself if you keep this up,” Yanjun says out of concern. No matter how good Zhangjing is trying to be to him, he won’t let Zhangjing do everything alone merely for Yanjun like Yanjun is the only thing mattered here. “You can save the cleaning for later and make us food first, or something. Just don’t do everything at once.”

“I’m not planning to exhaust myself either,” Zhangjing replies brightly. “I have a plan.”

 

 

 

 

What Zhangjing actually means by “a plan” is gathering Yanjun’s friends on his place and commanding them to help Zhangjing with the chores, grocery shopping included. Yanjun can only gape in awe when Zhangjing single-handedly turns all the other field agents he knows as maids—to emphasise on the mortifying detail, his maids.

Zhangjing is amazing and Yanjun finds out something new about him every day.

“It’s going to be fun, he said. We’re going to have fun, he said! He never said we would do voluntary work at Yanjun’s place when we could do something better at The House!” Yanjun hears Dinghao shouts in chagrin from the kitchen. “Xiao You, where should I put the plates?” he continues in calmer voice and Yanjun can’t contain his laughter any longer.

“You won’t be able to have as much fun as you do right now if you go home and become a farmer,” says Linong when Yanjun’s laughter dies down, standing beside Yanjun with both hands on his hips and a rag draped over his shoulder. “I don’t understand why you keep saying that during our missions, but you end up doing it anyway.”

“Because I don’t like my job that much,” Yanjun replies, laughing again “But I’ll regret not doing it and I do admit that having you guys as friends has made up for this ugly job, that’s why I survived for more than a year. Still, have you ever considered about planting tomatoes and cabbages? It’s fun.”

Linong laughs at him. “No, haven’t thought about that. Maybe we should try it one day if we’re given a mission in a countryside.”

“Good idea,” Yanjun agrees. “Anyway, I’m curious. What did Xiao You tell you on the phone when he dragged all of you here?”

“He said we’d have a welcome home party for you,” Linong sighs, “which was why we agreed in a jiffy because we thought we’re the guests, not the decorating staffs. We should’ve known something was fishy when Xiao You asked us to drop by a convenience store and buy a load of things.”

Yanjun guffaws, Zhangjing has always had his way with words and the only one who can compete with him is Chaoze. Too bad Chaoze also fell into the trap this time, and now he’s helping Ruotian vacuuming the living room.

“Well, I can’t leave you guys out for the celebration, can I?”

“We don’t feel like celebrating anything since we do all the work and you’re only watching us, but okay.” Linong cocks his head at Yanjun and smiles. “Yanjun-ge, what are you going to do without Xiao You around?”

The last time Zhangjing asked that question to Yanjun, he was still looking for a precise answer. He hasn’t found the define answer yet even now, but at least now he knows how to respond.

“I don’t even have the courage to think about it.”

 

 

 

 

The “party” is small and warm and it’s more than enough for Yanjun. Zhangjing and Chaoze cook them lunch, Ruotian is blasting music from his crackling bluetooth speaker connected to his phone, Jeffrey and Dinghao are sharing weird stories one after the other (but the rest of them are listening to it anyway), Linong is doing nothing but being a sunshine, and they all eat and laugh and for a brief moment Yanjun forgets how much he dislikes his job. That particular job has brought these friends to him, people who never leave him no matter what, and Yanjun is extremely grateful for that.

That particular job has brought him to Zhangjing; the smiley and happy Zhangjing, also the person who cried for him when Yanjun was dying, the person who shared a secret with him, the person who’s a lot more than his bubbly and cheerful appearance. Yanjun doesn’t want to miss a single chance to get to know more about Zhangjing, to be the only one who’s given permission to unfold every side of him he never shows to anyone. Yanjun is willing to stay within his shitty field work if that means he gets to see and hear Zhangjing everyday (even when he has to deal with Zhangjing’s impatient screams and savage retorts during missions).

Zhangjing is Yanjun’s reason to come back _alive_ after his mission; also why he can’t just quit his job and become a farmer like he’s always said. Yanjun is yearning to escape from the pit of hell that is his occupation, but he’s still consciously walking on every path that leads him back to Zhangjing.

(Until Yanjun decides there’s no turning back and You Zhangjing is, now, his destination.)

Zhangjing stays until dinner after everyone has left (they eat the leftovers of their festive lunch and Zhangjing puts the rest inside the fridge) and even later because he does the dishes and cleans the table. Yanjun finds that so adorable his heart nearly explodes.

“You’ll make a good wife when you’re married,” Yanjun says to Zhangjing from the dining table, one hand propping his chin as he stares at Zhangjing from behind in full admiration mode. “You know how to do all the chores and you know how to take care of people well. You will need a husband instead.”

Zhangjing laughs without stopping whatever he’s doing on the sink—probably still washing those brand new kitchen utensils he made the other agents bought earlier because Yanjun owns a little too few of them for his own good. “Thank you, I can be a good wife _and_ a good husband all by myself since I’m an independent being.”

“You want to marry yourself?” Yanjun asks with a brow raised.

“That’s not what I’m saying,” Zhangjing replies exasperatedly. “Go to sleep, I know you’re tired. You say weird things when you’re sleep deprived.”

Yanjun doesn’t say anything, he slides from his seat to stand behind Zhangjing instead. He takes one step forward and now Zhangjing’s back is practically pressed to his front. Zhangjing stops the running water, as if waiting, and that’s when Yanjun throws his hesitation away and wraps one arm around Zhangjing’s neck and another arm around his torso.

“Thank you, You Zhangjing,” he whispers on Zhangjing’s head, nuzzling his nose on the other’s hair. Yanjun feels Zhangjing’s body tensed for a moment of surprise but a second later he’s relaxing to the touch. “Thank you so much.” He wants to say something else but he’s afraid he’s going to break the momentum, so he lets all his words die at the tip of his tongue.

Yanjun can’t see Zhangjing’s face from this position, but Zhangjing isn’t pushing him away or showing rejection so he supposes this is… right. At least Yanjun _thinks_ this is right.

“You’re welcome. You’ve thanked me enough for next year, stop saying it over and over again.”

 _If you want to say thank you to someone, Zhangjing deserves all your thanks for three generations._ Mubo’s words are echoing inside Yanjun’s head. _He’d done more than anyone else here to make sure you’re alive._

Yanjun wants to ask why, he needs answers for all the whys and whats that have been haunting him for days, he needs to know whether it’s still fine for him to build his hope up or not. But no words are coming out from Yanjun’s mouth so he just hugs Zhangjing a little tighter.

“Are you okay?” Zhangjing asks carefully. Yanjun hums to tell him he is.

“Can we stay like this for a while?”

Zhangjing exhales and Yanjun can feel his head moving when he nods.

“Okay.”

 

 

 

 

It’s already too late for Zhangjing to take a ride home and Jeffrey the chauffeur is currently unavailable because it’s past his active working hour (actually, he’s working his real job as an agent), so Yanjun asks Zhangjing to sleep over.

Zhangjing agrees without asking much. “I’ll take the couch then,” he says. Yanjun doesn’t think Zhangjing deserves to sleep on his couch after everything he has done today.

“No, you’ll sleep on the bed.”

“But you only have one bed?” Zhangjing tilts his head questioningly. A sudden realisation hits him and he widens his eyes at Yanjun, “Don’t tell me you’re going to sleep on the couch instead of me? Listen, Lin Yanjun, I know you’re feeling indebted to me, but you don’t have to go that far.”

Yanjun shakes his head, laughing. “No, we both are going to sleep on the bed.”

“Oh,” Zhangjing says and nods. Yanjun nearly loses himself laughing when Zhangjing finally gets the complete idea of his words and screams in terror. “How are we going to sleep in one bed? How are we going to face each other in the morning after we slept in one bed?!”

“We’re going to face each other tomorrow just fine, stop screaming. Didn’t you see how Linong and I share one bed countless times already? Did you see anything weird between me and him afterward? No? That’s because there’s no harm in sharing a bed, okay.”

Yanjun faintly hears Zhangjing mumbles _It’s a different situation_ , but he doesn’t push forward. He gives Zhangjing a pillow and put another pillow in the middle of the bed as barrier between his side and Zhangjing’s.

He can hear Zhangjing’s chuckle from the other side of the bed. “You’re a messy sleeper, this pillow will have no use once you’re asleep since you’ll just throw your arms and legs at every possible direction.”

“How did you know my sleeping habit?”

“When you slept like a log at The House after your Korea mission? You almost tumbled down the couch multiple times I had to keep pushing you back before you hit your head on my coffee table. I never knew watching someone sleep would be that tiring.”

Yanjun clears his throat. Damn, that’s so embarrassing. “I promise I’ll behave this time.”

Zhangjing gets up enough to peek over the pillow and give Yanjun a playful smile. “Okay, we’ll see. Should we prepare a penalty if tomorrow it turned you didn’t behave?”

Yanjun deadpans at Zhangjing, “Do you really have to take it this far? I’ve never killed a fly let alone a person when I’m asleep, you’re going to be wake up tomorrow just fine. Ask Linong if you don’t believe me.”

Zhangjing pushes his head back to his pillow with a soft chuckle. “I’m kidding. My brother had worse sleeping habit than you, and I’m not a light sleeper so I’d just simply don’t care. I might end up kicking your face or something if you disturbed me on my sleep.”

“Did you miss your brother a lot?” Yanjun asks, eyes on the ceiling. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. I’m just curious.”

“It’s okay, I want to talk about my brother sometimes too, but I have nobody to share with before you,” comes Zhangjing’s reply. “I did, now and then, but not every so often. I told you we weren’t that close even though we weren’t in bad terms either, it’s just. Sometimes it got too difficult to talk to him and we ended up not saying a word to each other for days. I regretted it now, it’s not a nice thing to remember.”

“How old was your brother when he passed away?”

“He was only twenty-one back then. If he’s alive now, he’d be around your age.”

Yanjun presses his lips into a thin line. “May I know why…?”

“He’s killed on duty,” Zhangjing says. “He’s a field agent just like you. I was assisting him until his last mission and not too long after, I got recruited to where I’m working now. We agreed to keep my past as a secret because I didn’t want anyone to dig in my brother’s life.”

“Oh.” _Oh_ . On his first two missions, Yanjun was wondering why Zhangjing was nothing like an ordinary analyst – his knowledge about how the field work was almost in the same level with a field agent. His knowledge about weapon too, everyone thinks it’s because Zhangjing is very smart but Yanjun _knows_ it’s more than that. This is the answer.

“Can I ask you something?” Zhangjing’s question pulls Yanjun back to reality.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Why are you keep saying that you want to leave your job and be a farmer?”

Yanjun laughs, he knows they will get into this level at some point. “I didn’t like my job,” he answers. “I didn’t hate it, but if you told me to choose between this job or my hometown, I’d choose my hometown. What’s so good about this job anyway? It’s tiring, it’s hard, it can possibly get you killed. Well, it was like that at first.”

“You’re using past tense,” Zhangjing notices. “So, has it changed for now?”

“Yeah, probably.” Yanjun shrugs although Zhangjing doesn’t see it. “Now I only say that to tease Nongnong. I don’t have anywhere to go without this job too, and they must’ve had a reason of why they assigned me as field agent. My dream was to work as a police detective but now here I am.”

Yanjun can hear Zhangjing’s low chuckle. “Is that why you’re still giving your all at every mission, even though you dislike it?”

“I’m in for the money,” Yanjun jokes and Zhangjing bursts out laughing. “No, I’m serious. I mean yes, the money’s good and all, but I have more reason to do well on field and come back alive.”

“What is it?”

 _You._ “A mission is like a journey for me, and I want to go home. I feel like I’ve been gone for so long and I missed home.”

“You’re definitely not talking about this place, aren’t you?”

“No. Home is where the heart is, so it’s not limited to one place. And this place doesn’t normally have food.”

“Oh, look at you. You can say something like that when you’re in need of sleep, too? Are you sleep talking?”

“Go to sleep, You Zhangjing. Just go to sleep.”

 

 

 

 

It isn’t even morning when Yanjun’s eyes crack open to feel someone’s hand threading through his hair gently from behind and it takes approximately five seconds for Yanjun to realise that it must be Zhangjing. Yanjun can feel the weight Zhangjing presses on the pillow between them, he can hear his soft sighs and quiet hum of a song Yanjun can’t comprehend.

Yanjun wants to roll over and catch Zhangjing in the act, he wants to voice the questions inside his head and he wants Zhangjing to stop getting his hopes up if it’s for nothing. But Zhangjing is behind him and he sings for him and he runs his hand through Yanjun’s hair, and for once Yanjun wants to be a complete idiot by letting his heart win. The questions can wait until later.

Yanjun closes his eyes again as the gentle voice behind him lulls him back to sleep.

 

 

 

 

The sun is already up so high when Yanjun wakes up, and Zhangjing is nowhere in sight. A handwritten note on the dining table says that Zhangjing leaves first for work, he wishes Yanjun speedy recovery and promises to drop by later when he has time. On a different note, he wrote down all foods he had stored inside the fridge and quick dummy steps for Yanjun to heat it up whenever he wants to eat.

Yanjun is disappointed, but he has nothing against it. Zhangjing had work and he’d be in trouble if he left his station for much longer, and his friends wouldn’t be able to cover for his absence. He smiles at the notes and pins them on the fridge door. Speaking of which, he’s hungry but he isn’t in the mood to give much effort on it so his choice lands on a loaf of bread, strawberry jam, and a carton of milk. They weren’t under his possession yesterday, so they were probably some of the things Zhangjing made his friends get for him.

Yanjun sits on the couch with bread in one hand and a glass of milk in another, eating in silent. His mind wanders to a few hours ago, when he stirred awake and Zhangjing was stroking his hair. Yanjun feels his heart swells at the memory—how he desires to be touched Zhangjing that way again, how he yearns to touch Zhangjing the same way, both of them lay bare and open to every secret. Does Zhangjing feel the same way about him? Yanjun wants to find out, he _needs_ to find out, but he doesn’t know how.

The desperation leads him to make a very decision he knew he’d regret in the future: calling Dinghao and asks him to come to his place.

 

 

 

Dinghao comes around half an hour later with Ruotian, but the taller refuses to get inside the house when Yanjun offers him to.

“Thanks, but I need to do some repairing here. Have fun inside, just spill me the tea when the story is completed.”

“He’s busy spoiling his Range Rover because we go on missions using his car, and he isn’t too happy about it,” Dinghao explains. “Let him be, I know today is one of his Spoil My Car days and I promised I’d not disturb him with his car if he drove me here.”

Yanjun stares in disbelief at Dinghao. “You’re unbelievable.”

“Of course, it is my middle name,” Dinghao shoots him with a finger gun. “You’re lucky I have some time to spare here, kid. I’m usually very busy,” he pushes Yanjun inside the house and closes the door. “Now tell me, what’s your problem with Xiao You, now?”

“You know it’s about him?” Yanjun blinks rapidly. “But _how_?”

“The real question would be, _how_ do people _not_ notice it when it’s already super obvious from both you and him,” Dinghao rolls his eyes. “Just tell him, you know. A confession won’t cost you a life.”

“It will cost everything between us,” Yanjun sighs helplessly. “You said you wouldn’t get my hopes up, but you keep saying things like my feeling for him is mutual. That’s contradictory.”

“Because it’s hard to pretend like he doesn’t feel the same about you,” Dinghao says pointedly. “You know how unpredictable Xiao You is, he’s a complete opposite of you in this case. I can’t just barge in into The House and shout at him, “You Zhangjing! Confess your love for Lin Yanjun now! He’s a hopeless romantic so you won’t get to hear that from him so soon!” he’s going to murder me.”

“And what makes you sure he isn’t going to murder me if I confess?”

“Because his heart turns into a whole bag of marshmallow when it comes to you, duh,” says Dinghao like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Zhangjing is, in fact, always puts you on his top priority whenever you’re doing mission. I wasn’t really sure about this at first—he seems to be treating the others the same way—but one day I knew it was serious.”

“And that was the day when—?”

“—When I saw the way he looked at you. I’ve been working with him for years and I know he has never looked at anyone but you like that. Ugh, this is so lame but so cute at the same time. Can you please just date and make all of us happy?”

Yanjun remembers Linong said something along this line too, but he doesn’t get it. Is there any way to look at somebody in other way than it usually is?

“How do we look at each other?”

Dinghao gazes at Yanjun almost tenderly. “You look at each other with feelings,” he says, “while the rest of us looking at each other with eyes. The rest of us _don’t_ want to know how you look at each other, but we eventually _do_ and I have to be the one who personally tells you this because you’re so. Fucking. Dumb. Please fix this immediately. The weird flowery aura inside The House needs to begone soon.”

 

(Dinghao ends his visit to Yanjun’s place with a call to Zhangjing, saying, “Yanjun is so, so lonely he needs someone to lean on, please come here when you’re finished with work and keep him company! I’m afraid he’s going to starve to death and sleep outside freezing with no one to keep him in check.”

Yanjun snorts, Zhangjing isn’t that dumb to believe all the gibberish Dinghao spits out.

“He said okay!” Dinghao is laughing silently he almost chokes himself to death. “Xiao You, you have such a golden heart, we’re all blessed to have you. Please take care of my friend and keep him warm. His heart is as cold as his outside countenance.”

Yanjun _really_ wants to gag Dinghao’s mouth with a sandal.

“Xiao You will come over tonight. You better not waste your chance, lover boy.”

“Oh, shut up.”)

 

 

 

 

Zhangjing really does come later that night, a little bit too late to be called normal visit hour for “friends” but Yanjun is more than happy to see him again (he will just forget the fact that they saw each other last night). Zhangjing has eaten dinner with the company today, and (not) to his surprise, his friends had saved Yanjun’s share of food and they asked Zhangjing to bring it with him when he drops by.

Yanjun’s got a feeling that Dinghao isn’t the only one masterminding this evil arrangement.

“Did you meet Dinghao today?” Zhangjing asks when he puts in the foods he brought with him into small containers and sets them on the dining table. Yanjun nods from his seat across Zhangjing.

“Yeah. Did he tell you?”

Zhangjing gives him a small smile, “Yes. He told me he and Ruotian came to visit this morning because you sounded really miserable when you called him, he didn’t have a heart to refuse.”

Yanjun forces out a smile to beat down his urge to cuss Dinghao openly. “There’s no doubt that I looked _that_ lovely in his eyes, as expected from a good man and a good friend.”

Zhangjing giggles, “He told me in serious face that he really wanted to help you.”

“Of course he would.”

“You didn’t sound like you’d gotten a help, though.”

Yanjun doesn’t know how to say that Dinghao actually isn’t helping at all, because all he did when he was here was convincing Yanjun to confess with his baseless advices.

Yanjun will confess, he will. One day. Someday. He doesn’t know what he’s waiting for—approval? A sign? A hint? But what if he’s in this alone?—and he isn’t entirely sure waiting will give him the answers he’s looking for either (he knows it will not). The situation just makes him more and more puzzled.

“Have you eaten dinner yet?”

Yanjun shakes his head. “Was waiting for you,” he blurts out without thinking and immediately regrets it, “I mean, I thought you’d come sooner and it would be rude if I ate first. I didn’t know you’re having company dinner today.”

Zhangjing looks at him guiltily. “You were waiting for me to have dinner together?”

“Yes, I mean, no. I mean, if you haven’t had dinner yet, that’s it. It’s really not a problem that you ate first! Really! I was just, busy with something else and forgot to eat.”

Yanjun sounds really stupid _and_ drunk now. He did wait for Zhangjing but he didn’t mean to sound so whiny about not having dinner together with Zhangjing, and none of his words was actually doing its purpose to prove the point.

“I’m really sorry, you should’ve called me.”

“It’s okay, it’s not like I’m going to starve myself to death even if I’m not eating with you.”

“Dinghao said you would.”

Yanjun snorts, “Are you seriously taking in whatever he said?”

“It could be true,” Zhangjing adamantly declares. “But _still_ , you should’ve called me.”

“You were having dinner with the guys, what’s the difference, then?”

“We could have postponed the event to another day. You’re alone here and you’re a patient, I’m worried about you.”

“Would you come running here if I asked you to?” Yanjun jokes.

“Yeah…” Zhangjing lowers his voice, “probably.”

Yanjun feels dizzy all of sudden. “Why?” he asks. This is enough, there’s no more empty room inside him to keep all the questions about Zhangjing and his befuddling behaviour around Yanjun. If he’s going to keep this up, at least Zhangjing has to give him a reason.

“What do you mean why? Do you need a reason to do that?”

“Of course,” says Yanjun, looking straight into Zhangjing’s eyes. “Otherwise I might get the wrong idea and define it the way I wanted to, and end up hurting my heart when I found out that you didn’t feel the same about me.”

Zhangjing blinks rapidly. “What idea? Feel the same about—?”

“I like you,” Yanjun breathes out the words, _finally_ , but it doesn’t feel as satisfying as he thought it would. “I like you, You Zhangjing. And you’re making me confused; you have been for a while. I want this to stop now, I’m tired of guessing.”

“I like you too, though. Aren’t we friends?” Zhangjing’s reply comes as a question, he seems to be as perplexed as Yanjun now. Does this mean he’s doing all of that—all of things that made Yanjun stay up until late at night thinking about how amazing it is to be in love with You Zhangjing and be loved by him—out of platonic love for a friend?

Yanjun walks up to Zhangjing and tilts his chin up with his fingers. “I guess we’re talking about different type of like,” he says and leans down to kiss Zhangjing’s lips. Yanjun misses the fireworks, the butterflies, everything magical about kissing someone you like because his heart is breaking and Zhangjing doesn’t even blink when he is being kissed.

Yanjun pulls away a second later and takes two steps back, staring sadly at Zhangjing who freezes on his spot. “That’s the way I like you. I’m sorry if you’re uncomfortable with it, and I understand. This is not supposed to happen between us.”

Zhangjing exhales deeply and nods, and Yanjun’s hearts breaks once again. “I’m going home,” he says quietly. “Eat dinner and get some rest. We’re expecting to see you again at work next week.”

Yanjun lets Zhangjing clear up his stuffs and leave.

 

(“So how was it?” Dinghao asks via video call because he’s at work—and by work it means he’s currently going undercover with Ruotian and they’re spying on a target. “Xiao You is back at the office again, that was fast. I thought he was going to spend the night at your place.”

“Are we really talking about my personal matter when you’re at work and every communication device you have is connected to everyone at The House?”

“Don’t worry, the system is under Ruibin’s control now. He just told me Zhangjing was back but he isn’t back in control, that’s why I called you. I demand an update.”

Yanjun sighs loudly and lets the phone slide off his hand when he buries his face on a pillow. He hears Dinghao’s noisy complain because he can only see black screen and _“That’s not what I wanted to hear from you! Come back here you fool!”_

Yanjun picks up the phone to face his friend again. The small square on the corner of the screen is showing his reflection and Yanjun can see the sadness is there, the helplessness, the disappointment. Dinghao is fast to behold.

“Hey, Lin Yanjun? Are you okay?”

“I fucked up,” Yanjun says in almost a whisper. “I fucked up and Zhangjing is probably never going to talk to me again.”

“What? What happened?”

“I kissed him,” answers Yanjun. “I kissed him and he just- he just left. You were wrong, Dinghao. He didn’t feel the same way about me, and now he’d probably hate me for- I don’t know, for confessing? For kissing him out of the blue? I fucked up and I don’t know how to fix that. I was wrong all the way, and now it feels so fucking hurt.”

“That-” Dinghao doesn’t finish his words and gives Yanjun a sympathetic look. “Maybe he’s just surprised, give him some time.”

“We’re finished and I’m not planning to bring this topic anywhere from now on. It’s enough as it is.”

“I understand,” Dinghao nods at him. “You’re not alone, dude. We’ve got your back. Come to us and be sad all you want, we’ll never let you go through this alone.”

“You’re one of the biggest causes of my heartbreak, you hoodlum.”

“Sometimes my job as a friend is to deliver you the unpleasant truth,” Dinghao hums thoughtfully and Ruotian cackles beside him from the driver seat. Yanjun hears a faint _Jiayou, Lin Yanjun! Don’t listen to this crackhead!_ from Ruotian but he can’t see his face since Dinghao is hogging the phone to himself.

“Thanks, dude, whatever you say. See you at work next week.”)

 

 

 

 

It feels a little strange to be surrounded by the atmosphere of work again after resting for weeks although Yanjun has missed it a lot. Everyone welcomes him warmly, some tease him for making them work double as hard because the best one on the field is going on vacation, some earnestly wish him good luck for his next missions and congratulate him for coming back to work.

Linong jumps on him when Yanjun shows his face at The House, kissing his cheek soundly.

“Welcome back, Lin Yanjun, my best partner I will never ditch even for Lin Chaoze who’s actually better than him! I missed you!”

“That doesn’t sound very convincing,” Yanjun laughs. “But thank you, Nongnong my faithful baby partner. I missed you too.”

“Welcome back, dude. Nice to see you here again,” Chaoze offers him a fist-bump and Yanjun gladly accepts. “Don’t ever get hurt like that again. The field is less spicy without you.”

“I don’t know my role on the field is to spice up things, but that only means I’m hot, so thanks.” Yanjun and Chaoze both laugh and the shorter pulls him into a brief hug.

“I heard all from Dinghao. You’ll be okay, man. You have us.”

“Dinghao, that jerk,” Yanjun wipes his face almost frustratingly. “He must’ve exaggerated a lot of details. I’m okay, though, thanks. It’s not like I’m going to die broken-hearted in just a week.”

“He said you absolutely would,” Chaoze grins and claps him on the back. “But it’s Dinghao and we know trusting his words brings apocalypse, even Ruotian knows that. That kid is adapting perfectly to be Dinghao’s partner.”

“I remember he was complaining to me when they first paired up,” says Yanjun. “Glad to see how far they’ve come and we have finally found someone who’s capable to stand Dinghao’s nasty personality on the field.”

“I don’t have nasty personality, you nut head.” Dinghao is suddenly standing behind them with both his arms stretched out, ready to embrace Yanjun in a warm and friendly hug. “Welcome back, it’s nice to see you again.”

“Thank you, and I’m curious to see how far you and Chaoze had ruined my image in front everyone while I’m gone.”

“We didn’t do that!” Dinghao laughs and high-fives Chaoze over Yanjun’s shoulder. “We were being nothing but supportive buddies for you. Isn’t that right, Chaoze?”

Yanjun pulls away from Dinghao’s embrace to see Chaoze nods. “That reminds me. Have you seen Xiao You today?”

Yanjun shakes his head. “Do I have to?”

“Are you out of your mind? Of course you have to. He’s worried about you the most. The memory of you kissed him and got your heart broken should not make you forget that.” Dinghao pushes Yanjun into the direction of Zhangjing’s cubicle. “Now go. Talk to him. Clear things out.”

Yanjun doesn’t have time to disprove because Zhangjing leaves his cubicle at the same time with Yanjun’s arrival, making them look into each other in wide eyes and awkward pose.

“You came,” Zhangjing whispers, “welcome back.”

“Yeah, thanks for, um, worrying for me.” Yanjun scratches the back of his neck, contemplating what he has to say next. “About that thing last time, you can forget about it. Don’t take it seriously, it’s just- I just want to make sure you know,” he laughs dryly. It hurts to tell him this—Yanjun had never planned it like this—but he doesn’t want his relationship with Zhangjing to change, both in term of work and outside.

“Oh. Okay.” Zhangjing replies just as awkward and smiles at Yanjun. “I get it, it will not affect our relationship at work, and we’re still… friends. Yeah. See you in meeting room?”

Zhangjing dashes past him hurriedly without looking back. Yanjun exhales and decides that maybe forgetting a friend who’s suddenly confessed and kissed you isn’t as easy as it sounds.

 

 

 

 

Yanjun’s first mission after his long resting period involves a ten-year-old kid who keeps saying that he has to give Yanjun a message, but he doesn’t know what the message is and who sends him.

The weird thing is, security spotted him loitering around HQ building after someone dropped him off a car. They’re still pursuing the car from CCTV footage, but only that isn’t enough.

“It could be a trap,” Linong says at their meeting one morning to discuss about this case. “The kid specifically said he had to give the message to Yanjun. That meant whoever behind this knew Yanjun beforehand and used the kid to get to him.”

“That’s the most plausible explanation so far,” Zhangjing agrees. “Do you recognise the kid, Yanjun?”

Yanjun is too busy staring at Zhangjing when Linong elbows him on the rib hard, and glares at him for spacing out in an important meeting.

“What are you doing? Xiao You is talking to you!” Linong hisses beside him.

“What did he say?”

“He asked if you knew the boy or not,” Linong rolls his eyes. “Pay attention to the meeting and not to him only, please. This mission is on us once we figured out the person who sent that kid.”

Yanjun gulps, realising all eyes are still on him and waiting for him to respond. “I don’t know the kid,” he answers in confident tone. “I saw his profile and I didn’t remember knowing his parents or having any of his family members involved in my previous missions.”

“But isn’t it too precise to be a coincidence judging by the fact that the kid is looking for you, and he knows where the exact place to find you?” Zhangjing continues.

Yanjun presses his lips into a thin line, thinking. Zhangjing is right, Yanjun has the highest possibility to be the target of attack, if not a bait to get someone. Speaking by ratio, the second option has lower chance since Yanjun and Linong tried not to drag anyone else into whatever mission they’re doing and Linong wasn’t included in the kid’s “call”, so it must be about Yanjun alone.

Yanjun doesn’t have any idea and he doesn’t know where to start investigating.

“I will try to gather as many details as possible to this case before deciding our next step,” Zhangjing says at the end of the meeting. “We can’t do anything recklessly, we don’t know who they are and what’s in their objective. We can’t risk to put two lives in danger.”

The meeting is dismissed afterward. Yanjun catches Zhangjing’s eyes on him and Zhangjing doesn’t divert his gaze somewhere else even when Yanjun is looking back at him. Zhangjing gives him a small smile and nods as if he’s saying _be careful_ to Yanjun, to which Yanjun replies with a dimpled smile as Linong drags him out of the room.

 

 

 

 

Yanjun is not surprised when a small box is sent to the HQ that day, ticking sound can be heard from inside the box and HQ is in chaos thinking someone sent them a bomb.

“It’s not a bomb,” Yanjun says and he takes the box from the security’s trembling hands, asking for a cardboard cutter. He slices the upper side open and takes out an alarm clock, making everyone gasp in surprise and relieve. “I have seen more pranks like this on the field, this one is not even a good one. Don’t worry, it won’t happen again.” Although Yanjun can’t be sure why the prankster sends something so unusual like this to the HQ, and he needs to find out before another one comes out and causes more uproar.

“This is for you,” the security points out. “Your name is on the package.”

Yanjun tilts the box to read his name written in bright red. Well, maybe the alarm clock isn’t the only prank here.

“I’ll take it with me,” he tells his colleagues and excuses himself. He walks down the hallway to The House with the box on his hand, taking his time to think. He’s gone into a lot of missions for the past couple of years and he doesn’t remember one where someone might resent him for what he’s done. Maybe his memory is at fault, but Yanjun really can’t think of anything right now.

He’s thinking so hard he doesn’t see Zhangjing walks from the opposite direction of him and they bump into each other, Yanjun quickly holds his arm out to prevent Zhangjing from falling to the floor face first.

“Sorry, I didn’t see you.” Yanjun helps Zhangjing to stand on his own again. Zhangjing looks tired, does he even sleep?

“I haven’t slept for a day now,” Zhangjing says, Yanjun must’ve said his thought out loud again. “But I can’t sleep with something bothering me like this. Follow me, I have something to say to you.”

Yanjun obediently tails the analyst to the rooftop and they sit on the bench. Zhangjing pulls out a piece of paper from his coat pocket. “Here,” he hands it to Yanjun. “This is probably something that can give us a lead on this case. I can’t say a lot for now, but I know for sure that we’ve been wrong about one thing. You are not the target of whatever operation the person behind this is working on. It’s me.”

Yanjun thinks he must’ve heard it wrong. “Can you say it again?”

“I am the target, Lin Yanjun. They are after me.”

“I don’t understand. They even sent a bomb prank to the HQ this morning with my name on the package and now half of this building thinking I’m being chased by some bad guys, and it– it should be me. There’s no way you’re the target in this, You Zhangjing.”

“They did?” Zhangjing’s expression turns into one of worry for one second. “What was inside the package?”

“An alarm clock. I checked it and it’s harmless, of course. It’s not even a good prank to begin with.”

“Can I see it? Do you have it with you now?” Zhangjing asks. Yanjun nods and hands over the package to Zhangjing. He watches Zhangjing examines the outside carefully before opening the box and pulls out the alarm clock, staring at it in unreadable expression.

“They are going as far as trying to drag you into this,” Zhangjing mulls over. “Something is going to happen to you in five days, Lin Yanjun. Be careful. I’ll do my best to find out as soon as possible, but promise me you won’t do anything dangerous without my permission.”

Yanjun feels like he’s been missing a year worth of information in just a few minutes, and he feels so behind Zhangjing right now. “I can’t… understand. At all. Explain to me, and tell me why are you speaking like a shaman who can read the future?”

Yanjun knows his choice of word is stupid but Zhangjing is chuckling so there’s nothing to regret. Zhangjing puts the box aside and starts his explanation slowly. “Remember your South Korea mission where I asked you to hijack a deal and bring back the stolen data? I decrypted the data inside and it turned out to be the codes on the paper on your hand. It’s a launching code for a bioweapon to annihilate half population of China, something extremely classified due to the leak of this information could be a huge turmoil. And now they, whoever they are, have found out that I got this information and they were not happy about it.”

“A code for mass murder?” Yanjun widens his eyes when Zhangjing nods. “Do you know who’s behind this? Just a guess? Anything?”

“I can’t name an individual for now, but I have high suspicion on an aggressive revolutionary movement in this country. They’ve been doing their business underground for the past five years to wait for the exact moment to launch the weapon - it’s a deadly virus with the ability to kill in less than 24 hours.”

“Revolutionary movement? So they’re trying to wipe out the mankind to start anew?”

“It seems so,” Zhangjing nods. “About the clock, it’s showing the time 10:05:24. They use a common code to exchange message regarding date and time in the prison, minute represents the month, hour represents the date, second represents the time. May 10th at midnight, that’s the time of the deal.”

Yanjun starts to get a grip about this situation. “But if what you said is all true, then why did they put my name on the package instead of yours?”

Zhangjing doesn’t answer, he reaches out to press a palm on Yanjun’s cheek gently. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. His apologise is the last thing he says to Yanjun before he gets up and leaves.

Yanjun stares at the package beside him and ruffles his head in frustration.

 

 

 

Zhangjing and Yanjun seem to be the only ones who know about the information Zhangjing has and Yanjun doesn’t think he has the obligation to share it to other people if Zhangjing doesn’t do the same. The House is really hectic too; for the next two days, everyone is busy connecting dots here and there after Ruibin finally got a face of someone inside the car that brought the mysterious kid to HQ. Yanjun doesn’t even have time to wonder about the rest of things Zhangjing hasn’t told him yet.

“I don’t think we can do anything about the car’s owner,” Linong tells him that morning. “If this is a puzzle, we can’t solve it yet because we have too many missing pieces to be able to tell the big picture.”

“It’s true, we still have long way to go,” Yanjun concedes. “Do you see Xiao You? I want to ask him something.”

“Still in The House, I haven’t talked with him today, though.”

“That old man is going to ruin his body by working like this,” Yanjun clicks his tongue. “I’ll go to see him. Can you go and meet Ruibin without me?”

Linong nods easily. “Okay, I’ll see you again at lunch. How about it?”

“Sounds good,” Yanjun smiles and claps his partner on the back. “See you later.”

Yanjun finds Zhangjing sleeping on his desk with his computer still on and decides not to disturb him. It’s probably the first time Zhangjing has had time to sleep after two days and he’s been working nonstop on this case, a little sleep won’t hurt him. On the other hand, Ruibin is doing a great job as Zhangjing’s right hand man and everything is under control so far.

Yanjun grabs Zhangjing’s coat from the hanger and wrap it around Zhangjing’s body. Carrying him to the couch should’ve been better but it might wake him up and make things awkward again between them - so Yanjun simply discards the option. He can try it next time, if there’s still next time.

He shifts his eyes to another room to spot the mysterious boy who Yanjun doesn’t know the name yet plays alone with some toys. Yanjun finds himself walking toward the boy before he can stop himself, and suddenly he’s standing right in front of the boy.

The boy looks up at him and grins. “Hello, Yanjun-ge.”

Yanjun smiles, the boy is too adorable to be suspicious and is related to a malicious bioweapon case—the fact just doesn’t click in Yanjun’s head, but he can’t let his guard down now.

“Hello. I still don’t know your name though.”

“My name is Chen Yifu,” the boy says. “This is the first time you come to see me. Do you wanna play with me?”

Yanjun nods and takes a seat beside Yifu. “Are you lonely?”

“Not really, I don’t usually make friends. People at my school don’t want to play with me because they think I’m weird.”

Yanjun frowns, “Why?”

“They just don’t get the fun, I think,” Yifu gives Yanjun a smile. It seems a little creepy, though. “Gege, I thought Lin Yanjun wasn’t your name. I thought it was the name of that one gege you loved.”

Yanjun almost hits his head to the wall with how fast he snaps around. “What are you saying?! Who do you mean with that one gege I loved?!”

“That gege who works there, You Zhangjing-ge. Don’t you love him? It’s so obvious in your face when you see him.” Yifu points out to the direction of Zhangjing’s cubicle.

“I- well, I do,” Yanjun doesn’t care anymore and his feeling for Zhangjing isn’t the point here. “You’re a keen observer, but that’s not what important right now. Why did you think Lin Yanjun was his name?”

“Because the kind old men who gave me foods and toys told me to send the message to Lin Yanjun but they showed me that gege’s face, so I thought it was his name.”

“Kind old men?” Yanjun repeats carefully, “Who are they?”

Yifu shrugs, “I don’t know,” he says. “I don’t know them. They promised to buy me more foods and toys if I came here and gave the message to Lin Yanjun, so I just did. They didn’t tell me the message though. Zhangjing-ge had to find out by himself.”

“Wait, I don’t get it. Why did they tell you my name if Zhangjing is the one who has to find out the message and not me?”

“They said it’s because you’re the most important person for Zhangjing-ge,” says Yifu nonchalantly. “The message is to Lin Yanjun but it’s for You Zhangjing. It’s weird, right? I didn’t get that part too. Those old men are kind but they are stupid.”

A flicker of realisation hits Yanjun like a goddamn truck. _The message is to Lin Yanjun but it’s for You Zhangjing._ Yanjun isn’t the message receiver, he’s the message. And the message was to be delivered to You Zhangjing and he had to decode the message like how he’d done to the weapon code.

They are using Yanjun as a bait to get Zhangjing. Yanjun wants to fight those lowlife scumbags behind this case so bad.

“Did you tell Zhangjing everything you just said to me?” Yanjun asks. Yifu nods. “I didn’t say that much but Zhangjing-ge understood anyway. He’s smart, I like him.”

“Yeah, I like him too,” Yanjun blurts out without thinking and his face blooms a deep shade of red when Yifu laughs at him. “Aren’t those kind old men going to look for you if you don’t go back to them? It’s been three days since you’re here.”

Yifu shakes his head. “No, I was told to stay here for another two days and then they’d let me go.”

“You mean those guys?”

“Yeah.”

“What are they going to do in those days?”

“I don’t know. They said they’d tell me when the time comes.”

Two days, it’s the 10th. So what Zhangjing’s said to him was true after all. But what’s going to happen in two days? Is he going to die if Zhangjing didn’t get the message by then? Is he going to die if Zhangjing refused to do what they asked him to?

Yanjun isn’t afraid of dying - honestly, he’s been experienced it every so often he almost gets used to it. Instead, he’s afraid of letting Zhangjing’s life be in danger, he’s afraid of not being able to be any help for Zhangjing.

Yanjun ruffles Yifu’s head fondly and gets up. “You’re a good kid, I think you should know that. I don’t care if your friends don’t want to play with you, you can always find me here and we’ll play together. I can play baseball and basketball too, we should try that next time.”

Yifu beams at Yanjun, “Really?”

Yanjun nods, “Yes, of course. I will come here again tomorrow, what do you want to do?”

“Can we play basketball?”

“Deal. Meet me here again, same time as today. I promise we’ll have a lot of fun.”

“You’re a good gege too, I wish you good luck with Zhangjing-ge,” Yifu grins widely. “Thank you for saying that, ge, and thank you for playing with me. No one has ever treated me that nice before. I think I start to like you too now.”

Yanjun smiles and gives the kid a playful wink before walking out of the room.

 

 

 

 

The night on the next day, Yanjun corners Zhangjing on his cubicle and makes sure the other man can’t escape him. Zhangjing doesn’t see it coming, so he just raises an eyebrow at Yanjun when Yanjun comes banging at his wall.

“Do you need something?” Zhangjing asks.

“Yes, a thorough explanation.” Yanjun answers determinedly. “And you’re going to be a dead meat if you lie to me, You Zhangjing.”

“I’m sorry but I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

“Why didn’t you tell me why those scumbags with virus sent the package under my name, and sent the kid to the HQ to find me, and why the kid said he had to deliver me an empty message? I knew everything, You Zhangjing, you can’t hide anything from me anymore.”

Zhangjing blinks rapidly, completely taken aback. He exhales a moment later and leans his back into the wall. “Which one do you want to know first?”

“Why do I have to know that I’m important to you from someone else?” Yanjun lowers his face, taking a step forward, “Why didn’t you tell me that I was the bait to get to you, because I was important to you and you’d do everything under their command in exchange to my safety?”

Yanjun is less than an arm away from Zhangjing by the end of his sentence. He doesn’t move forward, doesn’t do anything. He waits.

Zhangjing casts his eyes to the floor and bites his lower lip. “I don’t want to lose you, I can’t. I can’t lose you.” He looks up at Yanjun, eyes glisten with unshed tears. “After I cracked the code, they seemed to be monitoring my every move and somehow they found out that—”

“That?”

“That I was in love with you,” Zhangjing breathes deeply. “That you’re important to me, that I’m going to do everything in exchange of your safety. I’m sorry you had to hear that from someone else, but I really couldn’t think of a away to tell you myself because I was... ashamed.”

“You’re ashamed that you’re in love with me?”

“No, not that,” Zhangjing promptly interjects. “I was ashamed because I couldn’t stop thinking about when you kissed me that night and I didn’t want to lose my face in front of you. I stopped functioning as a human being whenever I’m with you, that’s why. I’m sorry.”

Yanjun feels like Zhangjing has just poured a bucket of ice on his head when he’s standing under the sun for twelve hours. It stings and makes his heart race but also very, very refreshing. It’s like Zhangjing gives him something he’s been waiting, something he needed.

“Was that why you ran away after I kissed you that night?” Yanjun asks, thumb caressing Zhangjing’s chin and the skin right under his lower lip gently as he tucks two fingers under his chin. Yanjun can’t help but smirk when he sees Zhangjing visibly gulps, and then he nods.

“Everyone on their right mind would do the same when someone like you suddenly confessed in an unromantic way and kissed you on the lips. It’s natural. It was out of reflex.”

“What do you mean with someone like me?” Yanjun leans down, the tip of his nose brushing Zhangjing’s softly. He hears Zhangjing’s breath hitches ever so slightly.

“Handsome, perfect, flawless,” Zhangjing answers, fingers move up from Yanjun’s front to his neck, shoulder, and the back of his neck. Yanjun gets goosebumps at every inch where Zhangjing touches him. Zhangjing’s voice changes, he sounds more confident now. Two can play the game, Yanjun thinks, and he doesn’t mind at all.  “I’m nothing compared to you, but that only makes me love you even more, makes me greedier about you. But I’m not sure, I can never be sure about us. And then suddenly you confessed to me, you _kissed_ me. I thought I just died and woke up in afterlife.”

Yanjun laughs, his breath hovering over Zhangjing’s lips. “You’re so cruel, You Zhangjing. You are the worst.”

“I’m sorry, Lin Yanjun. I’m really sorry.”

“Can I kiss you?”

Zhangjing blinks once and nods. Yanjun tilts his head and places his mouth on Zhangjing’s, feeling Zhangjing abruptly loop his arms around Yanjun’s neck for support. Yanjun moves his lips slowly, tasting every second of Zhangjing’s lips on his. Zhangjing’s lips are soft and plump and for Yanjun it’s just not enough, it’s far from enough.

Yanjun sneaks a hand up Zhangjing’s back, slowly making its way to the back of Zhangjing’s head to push him closer to Yanjun until there’s no gap left between them. His other hand is on Zhangjing’s small waist, holding him steady because Zhangjing’s legs seem to have given up on supporting his weight. Somewhere in the midst of his hazy thought Yanjun knows Zhangjing starts kissing back, and now he can’t stop even when he wants to.

They pull away both gasping for air, lips red and swollen and their faces are still so close to each other they can see the person in front of them is blushing furiously. Zhangjing breaks it first, laughing softly on Yanjun’s lips when Yanjun tries to kiss him again; making Yanjun laugh as well. Yanjun kisses the tip of Zhangjing’s nose and presses their foreheads together.

“I can’t believe this,” he says. “I have a lot of things to confess to you, now that we’ve come into this level.”

“Me too,” Zhangjing closes his eyes and inhales deeply. “Can I sleep over? Without a pillow between us this time, preferably?”

Yanjun can’t help but sound _really_ vigorous when he grants the request.

 

 

 

 

A few hours later, Yanjun and Zhangjing are lying on Yanjun’s bed, now facing each other without a barrier separating their bed territories. Yanjun uses one arm to pillow his head and his free hand is caressing Zhangjing’s face softly, tucking the strand of Zhangjing’s brown hair to the back of his ear.

“You’re so beautiful,” Yanjun says absentmindedly. He smiles when Zhangjing blushes at that, but still tries to brush it off.

“I thought we’re here to do some confessing,” he reminds Yanjun.

“I can’t think of anything other than cuddle with you in this bed all night. I didn’t remember saying that.”

Zhangjing rolls his eyes playfully. “Now I regret coming here, take me back to the office.”

“Jeffrey is currently not available to fetch you,” Yanjun laughs when Zhangjing punches him on the chest. “Okay, okay, we’ll talk seriously. Later. Give me five more minutes to stare at you.”

Zhangjing gives in and they lie there in silence, diving in each other’s eyes and speaking all the unspoken words without uttering any word. Yanjun still thinks this is unreal, to have Zhangjing on his arms, embracing him back.

“I thought I fucked up real bad when you left my place last week,” Yanjun admits. “I thought you didn’t like me that way, and I even thought that you didn’t want to talk to me ever again.”

“I was shocked,” Zhangjing says bashfully. “I wasn’t ready to hear your confession that day. I wasn’t even sure about what I feel toward you, that’s why I just left. I couldn’t think of a proper reaction to give you.”

“Then why didn’t you neither text nor call me on the following days?”

“That’s around the time when I finished decrypting the codes and I was busy. I completely forgot to do that and it made the situation even more awkward when we met at the office again.”

“Oh my God,” Yanjun rolls over to lie on his back, laughing at himself. “I can’t believe I was agonising over nothing for the past week. I did the right thing at your cubicle earlier then, imagine misunderstanding everything even longer than now.”

Zhangjing shifts over and rests his head on Yanjun’s chest, one of Yanjun’s arms wrapping around his shoulder. Zhangjing leans up to kiss Yanjun’s cheek and Yanjun can’t help but grin so wide he could break his jaw.

“Let’s go on a date,” Yanjun suggests, a smile is still plastered on his face. “If I got out alive from whatever is going to happen tomorrow, let’s go on a date.”

Zhangjing’s body tenses in Yanjun’s arm. Yanjun hugs him tighter, patting assuringly on Zhangjing’s shoulder. Zhangjing tells him he hasn’t been able to find out what’s the plan, and Yanjun is convinced about the deal to take place in two days after talking with Yifu.

“What do they want from you?” asks Yanjun. “Would they hurt you if you didn’t give them what they wanted?”

“They want the launching code. They couldn’t solve the code and I did the favour for them, that’s why they’re after me,” Zhangjing answers with a sigh. “I don’t think they would hurt me, but I know they would hurt you instead. I don’t want it to happen.”

“I’m a field agent, I know how to survive.”

“You were almost dead in Paris. I’m not experiencing it for the second time. I’ve lost my brother, I don’t want to risk to lose you too.”

Yanjun can’t argue, and he knows Zhangjing’s fear is plausible. On the other side, Yanjun is lying if he says he isn’t afraid—for the first time on his career as an agent he feels insecure and unsafe inside. He’s never been sure about his future in this job, but this is the first time he feels _afraid_ that he might never make it back.

“I’m more worried about Yifu rather than myself.”

“Yifu?” Zhangjing repeats. “You mean that message kid? Chen Yifu?”

Yanjun nods, adjusting his position so Zhangjing can lie comfortably against his body. “He’s a nice kid, if I were to be honest. We played basketball this morning. He doesn’t seem dangerous, but I think that’s why he’s _actually_ dangerous. He told me he didn’t have friends, he said his friends didn’t understand his fun. That’s not the kind of answer I expected from a ten-year-old kid.”

“His family record is odd, too. Something about him just doesn’t seem right, but I don’t know what.”

“Do you think the revolutionary people will use him for bad things? He’s got potential.”

“I think so, the possibility is high if they’ve got him wrapped around their fingers.”

Yanjun rolls over and slides down a little so now Zhangjing’s position is slightly higher than him and Yanjun can rest his head on Zhangjing’s chest. “You know, I want to save Yifu too if I could. No, I will save him. He deserves a better life and future,” Yanjun says with eyes closed. “He knew I liked you and he described you as ‘that one gege I loved’.”

Zhangjing’s chest vibrates slowly when he laughs. “Isn’t that true, though?”

“It is. It’s just embarrassing to have a ten-year-old say something like that to you.”

Zhangjing runs a hand through Yanjun’s hair and for a brief moment Yanjun is reminded of when Zhangjing did the same thing back then, but Yanjun decides to keep it by himself right now. Their mutual feelings is coming to the surface in weird enough way as it is, there’s no need to make the awkward list longer.

“I don’t think it’s more embarrassing than having your grown-up friends telling that to you,” says Zhangjing.

“Fair enough,” Yanjun agrees. He cranes his neck up to kiss Zhangjing’s lips softly and finds himself nuzzling closer to Zhangjing’s warmth and starts to drift off to sleep.

 

 

 

 

Both of them jolt awake at the sound of Zhangjing’s phone ringing. It’s a call from Ruibin who’s staying at the office to do some research, according to Zhangjing.

“Ruibin, what’s wrong?”

_“I have bad and worse news. Which one do you want to hear first?”_

Zhangjing puts the call on speaker and gives Yanjun a look. _Which one?_ he mouths. Yanjun shrugs and mouths back, _Whichever you want._

“Okay, bad news first.”

_“Chen Yifu has disappeared from the HQ. Someone disguised as our employee about thirty minutes ago and got the access in, and then they took Yifu away. We’re currently trying to trace them, but they erased all CCTV recordings for the past hour and we’re left with literally nothing.”_

Yanjun and Zhangjing exchange worried glances. “What about the worse news?” Yanjun asks. He’s got a feeling, and it’s not a good feeling.

 _“Lin Yanjun? Is that Lin Yanjun? Why is Lin Yanjun with- oh, wait, don’t answer that,”_ Yanjun can practically see Ruibin’s grin over the phone but this isn’t the time for that. _“Okay, sorry, back to the topic. The worse news is, I’ve connected the pieces of information Xiao You got these days and I’ve got the whole picture of this confusing puzzle. Chen Yifu is connected to a dangerous revolutionary organisation who’s been sending threatening messages to the government for some time now, even though their operations so far are untraceable. The thing is, Chen Yifu isn’t an ordinary kid. He had criminal record in the age of eight and nine.”_

“Wait, hold on. We’ll get there soon, tell us all about it when we’re arrived. Give us ten minutes at most.”

Yanjun and Zhangjing hastily leave Yanjun’s room after Ruibin hangs up, bumping into each other and giggling when Yanjun puts on Zhangjing’s coat instead of his and it can’t make pass his shoulder so Yanjun wears it only on one side. Zhangjing takes Yanjun’s coat and pushes Yanjun outside to get the car ready.

 

 

 

 

Ruibin is nothing like his usual neat and immaculate self when Yanjun and Zhangjing see him in The House. His disheveled hair is standing up randomly to all directions, his clothes are messy and his tie is loose around his neck.

“I’m going to die,” he tells Zhangjing and drops half of his weight on Zhangjing’s body. Zhangjing almost stumbles by the sudden weight on him if Yanjun doesn’t hold him up and detach Ruibin’s half-dead body from him.

“Zheng Ruibin, open your eyes. You owe us a lot of explanation,” Yanjun says as flatly as possible. Showing his irritation because Ruibin is clinging onto Zhangjing definitely isn’t the top priority here. “What’s with Chen Yifu’s criminal record? He’s only _ten_ , for God’s sake.”

“Oh right, that kid.” Ruibin gets his senses back at the speed of light with Chen Yifu’s name being mentioned. “If you look at his profile, you’d think it’s strange because we could find nothing under his parents’ names, right? His history is very plain for an orphan kid who’s only ten years old, but certainly there’s a reason behind it. Chen Yifu killed his parents by blowing them up along with their old house when he was eight years old.”

Yanjun blinks in disbelief. “Are you making this up?”

Ruibin clicks his tongue, exasperation is written clear on his face. “Do you think I’d have such leisure time to make up a story about a kid who has just disappeared from my office and he could be planning something dangerous somewhere out there?”

“Okay, sorry, that’s not what I meant. But _blowing his parents up along with their house_?”

“Chen Yifu can make explosives,” Ruibin says. “He blew the house using three handmade bombs. The explosion was not that big but he did that in close proximity with his parents at that time, instantly killed them without leaving a trace. This kid is smart, I have to admit. He isn’t close to any adult figure so I guess he studied about how to make explosives by himself.”

Yanjun feels like his heart stop beating for a second. He doesn’t realise he’s squeezing Zhangjing’s hand until Zhangjing squeezes his hand back gently. “What about the record when he was nine?”

“He killed animals on his hometown, brutally. You know why he did that? Because they were noisy.” Ruibin massages his temple with the heel of his palm. “I can’t believe a nine-year-old could think of cold-blooded murder just because the animals were noisy. Come to think of it, we’re lucky he didn’t blow up our building for being noisy.”

Yanjun can’t believe it either, he can’t believe anything Ruibin said. Is it really the same person who played basketball and talked about normal things with him this morning? Is it really the same person who laughed elatedly at him when Yanjun blushed at the mention of Zhangjing’s name? Is it really the same person who beamed when Yanjun offered him to play baseball and basketball together?

“Did he leave anything behind before he disappeared?” Zhangjing asks. Ruibin nods and hands him a piece of crumpled paper.

“There’s Yanjun’s name on it, a name of an abandoned building, and a time. Also a series of number and letter I don’t have time to decipher because I’m so damn tired.”

Yanjun gulps. “Is it midnight?”

Ruibin widens his eyes, “How do you know?”

“I just do,” Yanjun replies and takes the paper from Zhangjing’s hand. “These numbers and letters. They must have a meaning, something only you would understand,” he says to Zhangjing. “That’s the deal. We’re getting close to the end of this. Let’s go, Zhangjing, decode this and we’ll get the answer.”

Zhangjing shakes his head weakly. “Nothing will change whether I decode the message or not. You will not go anywhere, Lin Yanjun.”

Yanjun raises an eyebrow at the smaller man beside him. “What are you saying? We’re only one step away from the criminal, we should catch them no matter what!”

“They want _you_ in exchange of whatever they wanted from me!” Zhangjing exclaims, the first time he raises his voice during the entire time Yanjun works with him. “I don’t want you to get hurt! Is it so hard for you to understand? I don’t want to lose you, dammit, and that kid can make  goddamn explosives, who knows what he has under his sleeve?!”

Ruibin looks back and forth between Zhangjing and Yanjun. “I think I should go,” he clears his throat and excuses himself. “Xiao You, the code has something written on top of it, it looks like a time. Maybe an expiration, but I’m not sure. Anyway, I’ll leave it to you and do something. No eavesdropping, I promise.”

Yanjun scans the paper again and it does have four digits of number on the top right corner. He shows it to Zhangjing who looks entirely disinterested. “You Zhangjing, won’t you look at this? This is the biggest hint for our case. That organisation is dangerous, and they have a goddamn virus that could kill a mankind. We have to stop them, and you have to help me.”

“I won’t do it,” Zhangjing adamantly insists. “I won’t. I won’t let them hurt you.”

“You’re the one who’s going to end up getting hurt if we didn’t straight this thing up as soon as possible. Do you think I’d let them do that?”

Zhangjing sighs, reluctantly takes the paper from Yanjun’s hand. “Okay, but promise me one thing.”

“What is it?”

“Promise me I’ll see you again after your mission is completed. Promise me you’ll be alive.”

Yanjun pulls Zhangjing into a warm hug and kisses the crown of his head. “I promise, You Zhangjing. I promise.”

 

 

 

 

Zhangjing’s presumption about the organisation wants the code in exchange for Yanjun’s life is right, after all. Zhangjing solves the code and the message is clear: Bring the code or the person you love will die. Yanjun promises him that no one is going to die.

He isn’t sure how he’ll carry on the mission, though.

Ten minutes before midnight, Yanjun arrives at the abandoned building alone. Linong and the others are on standby in three kilometre radius, Linong assures him to just give a sign when he needs help.

There’s no one in the building but Yifu. The boy is leaning his back on a concrete wall, fingers busy playing rubik’s cube. He looks up when he sees Yanjun and smiles at him.

“Gege, you came,” he says. “I’m sorry, you must be disappointed in me.”

Yanjun takes one step closer to the young boy. “I’m not. Well, if anything, I’m more surprised than disappointed. I didn’t know you’re into extreme things. We could’ve talked about fireworks and such if I’d known it sooner.”

Yifu laughs half-heartedly at the lame joke. “You know about the deal, right?”

Yanjun nods, now he’s only three steps away from Chen Yifu. “Yeah. Your “kind old men” are into the code Zhangjing has and they’re using me as bait to get to him.” Yanjun shoves his fists to his jeans pocket to hide the quiver. “Which makes me confused about the purpose of me being here. Why don’t they just ask Zhangjing for the code instead?”

“Because those guys don’t fight bare-handed,” Yifu says. “The real deal is to either make Zhangjing-ge hand them the code before you’re getting killed or torture him first by making him watch you die until he agrees to hand them the code. I am assigned here to kill you, by the way.”

“Wow, you sound so mature all of sudden. It’s almost like I’m watching you grow up, it’s touching.” Yanjun laughs at his own words and looks at Yifu’s eyes. “So, what are you going to do? Are you going to just kill me, or are we going to fight first? I don’t think I want to use violence, you know. I told you you’re a nice kid, I don’t beat kids and especially the nice ones.”

To Yanjun’s surprise, Yifu shakes his head. “I’m not going to do both. I’m not going to kill you.”

Yanjun isn’t consoled by this; it rises his fear and worry instead. “Are you going to hurt Zhangjing instead?”

Yifu shakes his head again. “No, I won’t hurt both of you.” He pulls out something from his shirt pocket and throws it to Yanjun. Yanjun catches it easily, it’s a USB flash drive. “I put the things you need to know about the organisation there. Maybe it doesn’t cover the whole thing, but you know where to start once you see the data I saved inside. I’m going to take care with the ones here and you and your team can do the rest.”

“Wait- what- what are you saying? What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to save you,” Yifu says, smiling. “I’m a little sad that we can’t meet up to play basketball or baseball anymore, but at least I know I’m doing something right for you at the end of my life. I’ll never forget you and Zhangjing-ge, I hope both of you can remember me as a good person too.”

“Chen Yifu what are you—” Yanjun gasps when Yifu rolls up his sleeve and he can see a detonator is strapped around his wrist. “No,” Yanjun breathes rapidly when he realises what Yifu is actually going to do. “No, Chen Yifu, this is not right. Why are you like this, for fuck’s sake? Why the fuck are you thinking this way?!”

“They will keep dragging me into doing bad things if I’m alive,” Yifu says sorrowfully. “Meeting you changed me in just a short time. I thought I’d never meet any good person in my entire life and I could never trust anyone, not even my own parents. But you were different, you were treating me like a person. You even played with me, you asked me if I felt lonely. How could I kill such a good person?”

“But you don’t have to sacrifice your own life, Yifu. I’m here to save you, okay? I told Zhangjing I would save you. You deserve a whole better future and life, and someone to play basketball and baseball with. I would save—”

“It’s almost midnight,” Yifu cuts in. “Run as far as you can on my count. Okay, Jun-ge? Please. Live well, keep doing good things for people around you.” Yifu pauses and smiles at Yanjun. “Thank you so much, Jun-ge. Thank you for changing me. Take care, and take care of Zhangjing-ge too. You two look good together.”

Yanjun’s heart sinks at the nickname. He isn’t prepared for a sudden twist of event, so he starts running when Yifu shouts at him to, knocking down everyone who came to him. He runs as fast as he could, losing his footing right in front of Linong’s car. Linong gets off to help Yanjun up, and they can hear loud explosion sound from behind Yanjun.

“Yanjun-ge! Yanjun-ge! Do you hear me? Yanjun-ge!”

Yanjun clutches onto Linong’s body with the remaining strength he has, and only at that time Yanjun realises he’s sobbing so hard it makes him difficult to breathe. He doesn’t remember when he started crying and cries harder when he slowly comprehends the whole event.

The fire is dancing in the sky behind Yanjun, colouring the night sky in hues of red, orange and yellow. Yanjun still hugs Linong with his trembling body and he doesn’t look back.

He doesn’t want to look back.

 

 

 

 

It’s a little windy when Yanjun comes to the rooftop, leaning against the low partition and feeling gentle afternoon breeze caressing his face. It’s been a month since his last case with Chen Yifu, it’s been a month since Chen Yifu’s death after he blew up the building along with everyone inside, him included. It’s been a month since a ten-year-old kid sacrificed his life to save Yanjun because Yanjun made him change into a better person.

Yanjun often dreams of him, it’s not a bad dream but not a good one either. It’s mostly just Yifu stares at Yanjun, smiling and saying thanks, and then he walks away.

The USB flash drive Yifu gave Yanjun contained all the dirty and egregious plans of the organisation, and now they’re still in pursuit of higher people in the hierarchy system. They’re far from being succeed, but they’re getting there somehow. It couldn’t have been happened without Yifu, and Yanjun wants to tell him that he’d done more than enough.

“You’re here.”

Yanjun turns around to see Zhangjing, his Zhangjing, his beautiful companion. Zhangjing scrunches his nose when the wind messes with his hair, making Yanjun laugh. He offers a hand to Zhangjing and the smaller man accepts it gleefully.

“Everyone is looking for you, we’re leaving soon. Why are you still here?”

“Thinking,” Yanjun answers and pulls Zhangjing into his body to borrow his warmth. “Say, did your brother play basketball or baseball?”

Zhangjing looks up from Yanjun’s embrace, pursing his lips thoughtfully. “Yeah, he wasn’t the best player but he was pretty decent. Why?”

“I hope Yifu meets your brother in afterlife, so they can play together. I couldn’t fulfill my promise to him to teach him baseball, it’ll be nice if your brother can take the responsibility off my shoulder.”

Zhangjing laughs and rests his head against Yanjun’s chest, closing his eyes. “Hmm, I’ll tell him that when he visits me on my dream. Both of them are good people, this world is probably too cruel for their kindness. I hope they are happier up there.”

Yanjun buries his nose on Zhangjing’s fluffy hair, humming a noise of agreement. He’s okay now, Zhangjing is okay, they’re okay. As long as they have each other, Yanjun knows they will be okay.

 

“Lin Yanjun, You Zhangjing! Where are- oh my God, we’re all getting old waiting for you downstairs and here you are, being all grossly romantic?” Dinghao mutters annoyedly from the stairs, throwing his arms in the air for dramatic effect. “Come on, we’re going to miss the flight!”

“Okay, okay, we’re coming!” Zhangjing responds, laughing. They can still hear Dinghao’s grunts when he’s walking down the stairs, back facing them and both can’t help but chuckle. “Let’s go. Maldives is waiting for us.”

“We’re going to Maldives?” Yanjun repeats. “We’re going to _that_ Maldives?”

“Yes, you were there in the last meeting when we prepared this trip but you didn’t even hear the destination?” Zhangjing gives him a weird look. “Lin Yanjun, what are you going to do without me?”

Yanjun smiles and loosens his embrace, still holding on Zhangjing’s hand even when Zhangjing is already walking ahead of him.

“You Zhangjing, wait.”

Zhangjing turns around, “Yes?”

“I love you.”

Zhangjing smiles, his bunny teeth are showing adorably. He stands on tiptoes to press a quick kiss on Yanjun’s lips and giggle when Yanjun is smiling at his sudden act.

“I love you too,” he says, poking Yanjun’s cheek where his dimple is popping out. “Thank you for always coming back to me, Lin Yanjun.”

Yanjun takes Zhangjing’s hand from his face and squeezes it gently. Yes, he’s sure they will be okay like this.

**Author's Note:**

> you're here!!! congratulations on finishing this long ass fic!! you're the best!!! please sit down and take a deep breath, i hope that wasn't a traumatising experience for you lol. talk to me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/minseoqt) to scream/yell/cry about zhangjun! ..........and 9% and idol producer in general ~~im nice i promise~~ (・ω ・✿)


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